The Shampoo
by Resolution.Kindness
Summary: Naruto unknowingly falls prey to Jiraiya and Tsunade's experiment. His life becomes even more messed up when the girls suddenly find him more attractive than usual. Can he really blame it on Jiraiya?
1. New mission

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto...

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**Chapter one: New Mission**

Hokage's office

"Tsunade-obaachan! How are…"

Naruto was punched into the wall, bursting through it before he could finish his greeting. The punch was delivered by an enraged Hokage who yelled

"STOP CALLING ME OLD!"

Tsunade took a deep breath and sat back down.

"Now, I summoned you guys here today to give you a mission. This mission…" she was interrupted by a loud shout of

"YAY! NEW MISSION!" yelled by Naruto who somehow recovered from the punch through a brick wall with only a small lump on his head. He started jumping up and down saying

"What's it we're doing? Protecting Feral Lords? Or rescuing princesses? Or fighting cri…"

He smashed through the wall a second time,this time hit by Sakura who yelled "Shut up and listen to Trunade-sama" through the second Naruto-shaped hole.

Tsunade cleared her throat loudly.

"As I was saying, you are receiving a mission to collect some scrolls from the Hidden Sand Village. Kakashi will not come with you this time because he received another mission earlier but hasn't returned yet… he had to go find a cat who escaped from its owner again. He should have come back a few days ago, which is confusing me, surely _the_ Copy Ninja Sharingan Kakashi can't be defeated by a mere cat."

"Could it be that Kakashi-sensei was attacked by other ninja during the mission?" asked Naruto who had just climbed back through the hole with a new lump on his head, making him look like a teddy bear.

"Na… Kakashi doesn't have many enemies, mainly because only very few of his foes have lived after engaging him…"

"Yeah, maybe sensei's just late because he's at some perverted bookstore reading that stupid book he always has in front of his nose." said Sakura.

The others nodded in agreement.

Somewhere in a far village

Kakashi sneezed. It caused the card castle in front of him to crumble.

"Ha!" said a large man with a long gray robe on.

"You lost the bet! That castle of yours barely lasted four minutes, and you say it can hold for an hour. Now you have to be my personal servant for a month before I give you the cat back."

Kakashi closed his uncovered eye and thought hard, 'If I stay for a month, I'll miss the second Icha Icha paradise movie. If I escape, I'll fail the mission and lose my honor at the same time. Which should I choose? Icha Icha paradise or my honor as a shinobi.'

He made up his mind quite quickly. He opened his eye and spoke to the man.

"I'm sorry but I cannot miss the second Icha Icha paradise movie, so I'm afraid that I'll have to escape." he prepared to leave, but then he saw the wide grin on the mans face.

"I knew you would try to worm your way out if you lost so I took away your books while you were busy building the card castle."

"What!"

Kakashi grabbed his bag and turned it upside down. Lots of kunai, food and an assortment of other things came out, but one vital thing was missing.

"No! My special edition of 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn' is gone!!!"

He turned towards the man slowly in fury, uncovering his right eye in the process.

"You have taken my 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn' and now I will kill you" he said coldly and started going through hand seals,

"Chidori!"

He screamed as his right hand glowed from the power of the chakra focused in it. He started to charge at the man, who stumbled backwards in fear. The man quickly took a TV remote from the table and turned the set in the room on, he pointed at the small television while he stuttered

"Wait! If I die, then your book is destroyed also."

The TV showed Kakashi's book hanging over a large cooking pot which was filled with acid like liquid. Kakashi's eyes widened as a mouse tied to a fishing rod like bait was lowered into the pot. There was a loud hissing noise and the mouse was pulled back up, or at least what was remained of it.

Only the bones of the mouse were still hanging to the fishing line ant it was still melting. A second later the fishing line snapped ant the bones fell back into the pot, bobbing on the surface for a second or two before dissolving completely.

"See?"

Said the man in triumph as he saw the look of pure terror on what he could see of Kakashi's face.

"If you don't listen to me, your book will join that mouse in the afterlife."

He pressed a button on the remote to emphasize his point. Kakashi's beloved book started to slowly inch toward the pot of doom. Kakashi slammed his face into the television screen desperate to reach his book while begging,

"Please! Don't hurt my book! I'll do anything! Stop! Stop! Stop!"

He banged hid head on the screen with each 'stop'. The man grinned evilly.

"All right…"

He said as he pressed another button on his TV remote control of Doom (the way Kakashi will refer it to during his months stay) and 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn' rose back up a little, away from the cooking pot of Doom.

"Now, you will work as my servant for a month and then I'll let you leave, if you behave like a good boy and do as your told, I'll give you back your precious book _and_ the cat you were looking for in the first place. But if you do not do as you are told, my hand might slip…"

He tapped a button on his TV remote control of Doom, causing Kakashi's yellow book to drop an inch, nearing the cooking pot of doom, which caused Kakashi to tremble with fear.

"…and your book will never be seen ever again, and when I say never, I mean never, do I make myself clear?"

Kakashi nodded shakily.

"Good, you will get up at six everyday with my other servants to eat breakfast, then you will start the morning cleaning. You will clean all of the rooms on the first and second floor with some of my other servants, and then you will have lunch after you finish polishing the medals in the trophy room. You will then hang the cleaned laundry up in the first garden for them to dry. Bring them back into the mansion when they are dry or when it is about to rain. Then you will have a half-hour break before going to the stable to feed and wash the horses. Then you will return to the house to have supper. After that you will chain yourself to a tree until midnight as a punishment for cracking my TV with your head. Any questions?"

Still shaking, Kakashi shook his head,

"Good, you will start work tomorrow. And remember, any funny business, anything at all and I will rip the pages out of your book one by one and then burn them in front of your face through the TV. Now follow Yuki here to your room."

A typical servent girl appeared in the doorway and motioned for Kakashi to follow. Kakashi followed the girl silently.

'I would have to make a plan to save my book, then I'll find whoever made me sneeze and torture them for endangering the meaning of my existance...' thought Kakashi.

He shuddered as he heard the evil laughter coming from the man who had just defeated the Copy ninja Kakashi with a TV remote control and a cooking pot, wincing as his imagination showed him terrible scenes of his precious book being destroyed in inhuman ways.

'Whoever put me and my book in this situation will wish that they were never born…'

He started clenching and unclenching his fist as if itching to grab hold of the culprit's neck for endangering his book.

Back with the rest of Team 7 at Hokage's Tower

Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Tsunade sneezed at the exact moment.

"Somehow I have a bad feeling about this." said Sasuke speaking for the first time in the meeting.

"I agree Sasuke-kun, but you'll protect me no matter what like the time with Garra, right Sasuke-kun?"

"No I will not and for the last time it was the Dope who saved you from Garra."

Said Sasuke his fists tightening as he remembered how Naruto had showed incredible strength and defeated Garra even when he turned into the one-tailed raccoon demon when he had been merely defeated at the start, when Garra wasn't using one tenth of his power.

_Flashback _

_"Naruto must have gone mad." thought Sasuke as he saw Naruto trying to get to Garra even when he's being flung around like a ragged doll, trying to protect the small toad he summoned earlier._

_Then Garra pissed Naruto off with words and Naruto blasted Garra's backside with the combination of an explosive note wrapped around the handle if a kunai. Sasuke caught Naruto before he fell of the tree and teased Naruto about getting beaten up so much only to land a one hit on Garra, but was impressed against his will because two Chidori barely harmed Garra but Naruto's asspoke was with no doubt very effective seeing Garra couldn't recover immediately. _

_Sasuke took the chance to try to save his face by telling Naruto to release Sakura from the sand bind and then escape while he hold Garra off. But then Naruto said he understood something and told Sasuke to rest before summoning a huge amount of chakra. Sasuke, Temari, Gamakichi (name of frog Naruto saved earlier) and Pakkun (Kakashi's nin-dog who helped Naruto, Sakura and Shikamaru track Sasuke and Garra) watched as Naruto created about 2000 shadow clones and pounded Garra into a pulp. Then Garra did something only kids see in stupid superman TV shows. _

_Garra turned huge, very huge, about the size of a small mountain. Sasuke thought Naruto was doomed when he saw sand wrap itself around Naruto, unable to assist his teammate because of the pain of the cursed seal on his shoulder. Then he was shocked again when Naruto summoned a huge toad, about the same size as the demon there facing. After a fierce battle (Which was like being in the middle of a typhoon and a tsunami combined, Naruto shattered Garra's raccoon form. they fell down towards the earth and landed in some branches. _

_With one last attack, Naruto punched Garra in the face and they both hit the ground. Sasuke knew it was over because the sand binding Sakura lost effect. Sasuke caught her before she hit the ground and went to find Naruto. He found the blonde still trying to get to Garra with his chin, and fell unconscious after hearing the news of Sakura's safety. Garra's siblings retrieved their brother and left after Garra told them that he didn't want to fight anymore. He still remembered the smile on Naruto's face. Not the wide grin that didn't reach his eyes, but a peaceful look, one that he had never seen before._

_End Flashback _

Sasuke gritted his teeth. Naruto didn't win by luck, as Sakura kept telling everyone. She only says that because she didn't see the whole battle, having passed out at the start. Naruto was stronger than him, and if he can't even beat Naruto, he'll never be able to kill Itachi.

'Looks like I'll have to triple the training for now.' he thought. He was thinking so hard that he didn't realize the meeting was over and that everyone was looking at him, with Naruto saying that Sasuke was probably scared of cactuses or something, which caused Sakura to punch the dope through another wall, this time falling out of the 3 story building.

Tsunade spoke to Sasuke while Sakura was yelling at Naruto through the second Naruto–shaped hole.

"While you were spacing out, I have told Naruto and Sakura that you will meet your temporary sensei while Kakashi's not here at the North gate at 7 o'clock sharp. And…"

She turned to Sakura, "you're going to pay for those holes you made Sakura, unless Naruto is willing to do…" "I'll pay for it!" said Naruto who climbed back through the hole and continued

"I'll do anything for Sakura-chan!" he said as he took out his Gama-chan (the name of his wallet) and emptied most of its' contents on the Sannin's desk. The cuckoo-clock on the wall signaled 6 o'clock and Naruto stomach growled at exactly the same time.

"I'm going to get some ramen for dinner, see you guys later." with that he ran off, leaving his teammates with a very pissed off Tsunade.

"The brat needs a lesson on manners..." grumbled Tsunade as she took out a bottle of sake. Taking a swig, she motioned for Sasuke and Sakura to leave, which they happily complied feeling a scary aura around their Hokage.

Somewhere outside 

In a small alley on the way to the ramen stand, Naruto's mind was filled with ramen. Too busy with the food in his mind as he ran, he accidentally bumped into a woman, making her drop the bags she's carrying.

"Sorry!" said Naruto quickly as he helped her up and pick up her bags for her.

Then he saw the contents of one of the bags still on the floor.

"Hey miss, where do you buy this shampoo?" he asked, picking one up and looking at it. The woman looked at him with questioning eyes, as if she thought he was joking or something.

"Why do you ask?" she said.

"Well…" Naruto began while scratching the back of his head.

"The shampoo I use at home was brought from the Wave Country, I've used it up and very few people are willing to sell me stuff here because of um…special reasons."

"Did you have control over the special reasons?" she asked politely.

Naruto was surprised, 'Most people whom he talks to ignore, glare and chuck stuff at him. She must be from another country.' he thought.

"Well apart from killing myself, I can't do anything about It.: he said it with a wide grin on his face.

"I have a friend who smiles like you do and hides behind it, so I've learnt to read the eyes for emotions. You are sad at this moment. You want affection but are afraid to reach out for it properly."

Naruto tried to deny it, but deep down he knew it was true. He was trying to think of something to say when the woman spoke again

"I can help you here…" she gave him a bottle of liquid. She seemed to look behind him for a moment before saying

"Drink it and you will feel better tomorrow. And also keep the shampoo, I don't need anymore anyway." with that she walked away, waving goodbye to him.

"See you around Naruto." she said before turning a corner. Naruto walked away after a while, still confused on why someone saw through his mask so easily.

**"That's because she's one of the few who truely cares for others kit, even though she just met you, she already treats you with kindness. Trust me on this one, I can sense it." **

'I didn't ask your opinion you foxy, go back to sleep.'

**"Sure, but drink that stuff she gave you."**

"You sure it's safe?" thought Naruto.

**"If someone who cares for you poisons you, then you don't have much to live for anyway." **replied the demon before falling asleep again.

Naruto sighed and started back to his crappy apartment, forgetting about dinner completely. Five minutes later he opened his door and put down the bag of shampoo on a chair. Deciding to try the new stuff out, he decided to take a shower before going to bed. Naruto finished his shower quickly and flopped onto his bed. He grabbed the bottle the woman gave him and downed the contents, feeling the cool liquid sliding down his throat. He immediately felt drowsy and the last that came to his head was 'How did she know my name?' before sleep took him to La La land.

Somewhere outside the village.

The same woman Naruto met earlier walked up to a large man with long white hair who was sitting at a bench near a large tree where the whole village could be seen.

"Are you sure that he'll be ok with the experiment of yours?" She asked the man.

"Course he will. He'll get lots of the attention he wants, and if it causes trouble, call it revenge for knocking me out of the tree I was researching near the bathhouse and almost killing me." he said wincing at the memory of his poor self being pummeled by a riot of women.

"I know very well that you were peeping on women, not researching the trees, you pervert." she said icily.

The white haired man grinned,

"That's where you're wrong, I'm not a pervert." he said.

The woman looked a bit angry, "If you're not a pervert, what are you, a saint?"

"No." The man said.

"I am…" he paused dramatically, closing his eyes and posing,

"I am…"He opened his eyes suddenly.

"I am a SUPER pervert!" He shouted to the night while pointing at a random direction Gai-style.

The woman sweat dropped and her eyes started twitching.

"And you lectured me about the 3 forbidden things of shinobi yesterday? You get drunk a lot, you waste money and now I confirmed that you are an old fart who is a pervert but unless I am mistaken, you are still single. Shame on you pervert. Anyway, keep an eye on Naruto for me will you, I'm leaving for a while to check on someone."

she turned to look at the man, only to see him crouched under a tree looking depressed, poking the tree while muttering "still a virgin, still a virgin…" sighing, the woman left Jiraiya to brood about his failed love-life.

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	2. A blonde, a brunette and torn blankets

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**Chapter 2: A blonde, a brunette and torn blankets**

At Naruto's crappy apartment

Chirping birds which always seem to like annoying sleeping people who are lazy.

This morning, Naruto fell victim to the chirping sound and got up sleepily, before falling off the bed with an "Ouch". He checked his clock which was hanging on the shabby wall of his tiny apartment. It read 6 a.m.

The blonde lazily got out a cup of instant ramen from under his bed and went to the bathroom with a kettle. He turned on the tap of the shower and poured some into the kettle. He went back to his only other room (Yes, Naruto's crappy apartment only has one room and a bathroom.) and stuck the plug of the kettle into the only energy source apart from the light bulb hanging on a line up on the cracked ceiling. He yawned loudly and soon the kettle started to whistle, signaling that the water was ready. He pulled back the paper between him and his meal and poured some water into the cup. The ramen-addicted boy waited for an agonizing three minutes and then started to eat his most favorite food in the world. After he finished all of it, he disposed of the rubbish (Which was to the back of his bed.) and then checked the clock again. It read 6 a.m.

"That's strange." muttered Naruto, "Last time I checked it was…" a look which rivaled Kakashi's when he saw his book over the cooking pot of Doom through the TV of Doom appeared on the dope's face when he realized what had happened. The clock had stopped working .

"Crap! I'll be late for the meeting!" cried Naruto as he flopped down on his stomach and grabbed his orange jumpsuit from under his bed (Naruto doesn't have a cupboard so he stuffs most of his things under his bed, including an infamous yellow book which has an R on the back and some blood on the pages which were caused by the nosebleeds of a growing boy.) and pulled it on, zipping it up. He tied his forehead protector around his head carelessly (he'll regret that later.) and dashed out of his door grabbing his kunai holster in the process. He locked his door and almost flew towards the direction of the north gate.

In the streets of Konoha

Tenten was bored, she was bored of watching Lee punching logs, bored of Neji ignoring her and bored of Gai-sensei's talks of youth. So the weapon specialist sneaked away from the training ground and went for a walk 30 minutes ago. Now she is in the street wandering around aimlessly, still so bored that she considered going back to listen to her sensei's endless crap. She was about to head back towards the training ground to her doom when she caught a whiff of sweet scent. But before she could identify the source of the nice smell an orange blur knocked into her at high speed, sending them both tumbling down a small alleyway. Luckily for them, there were some fluffy blankets stacked in the space so the two landed onto the blankets unharmed.

But unfortunately, for them they got tangled into the blankets and after struggling for a while, the female finally broke free and tumbled onto the ground. Tenten looked at the boy still stuck inside the torn blankets (the reason they were dumped in the alleyway in the first place). His head was still stuck inside the blankets so she couldn't see his face but the orange jumpsuit seemed oddly familiar.

"Naruto? Is that you?" asked the weapon girl.

"Yes, it's me." said Naruto still struggling to get out from the pile if sheets which imprisoned him.

Tenten sighed. 'Still as stupid as ever. And sexy too… Huh? Where did the hell did that come from?' she shook her head blushing trying to rid her mind of a sudden image of Naruto grabbing her forcefully, pushing her onto a bed and… she hit herself on the head with a big pink rubber hammer to stop her mind from going further in her sudden perverted thoughts. She took out a kunai and started hacking at the blanket that Naruto was entangled in. A few seconds later Naruto was freed and sitting on the floor. "What were you thinking running so fast?" she asked still a bit red in the face crossing her arms standing over Naruto 'Darn, I've been around Neji too much, I think he is starting to rub off on me...wish Naruto would start rubbing me though...Ahh!!! stop thinking about stuff like that!!!" she thought cringing in an effort to not think about Naruto, which was hard considering she did like him in a way since he beat Neji in the Chuunin exams way back.

"Sorry, I was late for a meeting with my tea…" he said standing up but couldn't finish because his leg snagged the huge pile of blankets and he fell on to Tenten, pushing her to the ground and dragging a huge pile of mangled blankets on to the two of them. Tenten groaned at the sudden weight placed on her.

"Get off me Naruto!" yelled Tenten angrily but inside her heart was racing 'A boy's on top of me, and he's so cute! I want to kiss that cute face…' . She breathed in the sweet smell of Naruto's hair, making her slightly lightheaded, but before she could form some kind of plan girls do when in a situation where a cute guy you is on top of you with his body pressed into you, Naruto started squirming, trying to get the blankets off him and Tenten.

He tried to hoist himself on his elbows, but only succeeded in grinding his body against Tenten. Tenten blushed at the sudden feeling of Naruto's well-toned body grinding against her made, and a loud moan escaped her mouth when Naruto's leg rubbed against a very sensitive area. She unconsciously started rubbing herself against Naruto, moans of pleasure coming out of her mouth, her body suddenly begging for more contact. 'Naruto is so warm…huh? Warm? He is NOT warm, but so warm...ahhhhh! I'm getting horny over a blonde idiot! I don't even love him!' she thought, but stopped when Naruto's soft cheek brushed against hers, making her blush. "Oh crap… I think I'm gonna fall in love …"

Naruto heard the moaning the turned-on girl was making and moved even quicker while blushing because Tenten's sweet voice and the feeling of her body rubbing against him was turning him on and he needed to get to the north gate as soon as possible or Sakura will literally try to kill him for being late like Kakashi. But unfortunately for him, the faster he moved, trying to shift the blankets of the two of them, the more pleasure Tenten received, making her moan even louder. She thought if she should tell Naruto to stop moving and try to plan something when she caught another dose of that nice smell when her face was pressed into Naruto's shoulder when he managed to bend up a little. The smell seemed to enhance her senses and make her hormones go haywire.

She finally gave in to the extreme pleasure she was experiencing at the moment and stopped trying to think on how to get Naruto off her, instead she was thinking about how to make Naruto forget about wherever he was going to go to and how to 'invite' him to go with her instead. She giggled madly while blushing a deep shade of red as the perverted part of her mind sent her VERY perverted images of Naruto doing so many naughty things to her which would make any non-gay guy kill their own family to be a certain blonde demon container.

Naruto was panicking. Not only was he stuck under a huge pile of blankets down a narrow alleyway alone with a girl, he was becoming more late by the second and for every extra second he was late, the chances of being murdered by an enraged Sakura increased dramatically. He stopped moving and closed his eyes, trying to focus his mind (which was made very hard for him at the moment because Tenten automaticly whined at the sudden stop of movement and mumbled stuff like "more" and "don't stop moving" which was distracting him greatly.) His thoughts wandered off to how cute Tenten was, and how soft her big mounds pressing against his chest were.

'Ahhhhh crap! I'm starting to think like Ero-sennin and Kakashi-sensei! Must focus... focus… Focus…" he thought trying his best to control his hand which was inching slowly towards the girl's chest. A large cage with a seal appeared in his mind.

"**Focus on what kit? On getting out or on getting your hands on the girls' breasts." came the voice of Kyuubi, who was woken up by Naruto's loud thoughts.**

"On her brea…. I mean on getting off her of course. I'm going to be late for the meeting and Sakura-chan will kill me for that." he said to the fox through the bars of its cage.

"**But your already late anyway, it makes no difference if you turn up even later because you'll get beat up by Pinky anyway. So why not have some fun first, oh come on, its not like you don't want it, and by the looks of it the slut likes it too , because she just muttered that you shouldn't leave stuff half done."**

"Don't call her a slut, she's called Tenten! She's too cute and nice to be a slut, hear that you oversized fur ball!" he shouted at the fox through the bars of the large cage.

"**You must like the girl a lot to stand up to the great nine-tailed demon Kyuubi for her. Interesting… seems that you finally have gave up on Pinky and moved on" said the Kyuubi. **

"Shut up you football! I don't like Tenten! I might like her but I still don't like her!" Naruto blabbered blushing red like a tomato. "And who says I don't like Sakura-chan anymore?" he asked.

**The fox sweat dropped. 'He just called me a football and then he said that he likes that Tenten but he doesn't like her in the same sentence… Are my language skills getting rusty or is it his stupidity and bad grammar… What has Iruka been teaching him those many years…tut,tut..." he wondered for a moment and decided to answer his question. "Well, when I insulted the girl called Tenten, you started shouting at me, but when I called that poor excuse of a kunoichi Pinky, you didn't react at all."**

'Oh' thought, "who DO I like, Tenten-chan of Sakura-chan? And why is Tenten-chan rubbing her face against me? So smooth and soft…?" he blushed even redder (His face has been red for some time now.) as he realized that the girl was rubbing her cheek against his, mumbling that his cheek was nice and soft.

"**Ahah! Tenten-CHAN now are we? Just be a man and ask her out, but get this stuff off first, you can't do anything exciting in this position, you won't get good entry! But come to think of it, why does this girl suddenly seem to like you so much, I know that she and the other girls usually don't talk to you often, but now that I think about it, those girls did seem to stare at you from time to time..." he said, then a sudden thought hit his head 'I wonder if this has to do with that…mmm…maybe, but I'll need to make sure… if it is, things will get interesting.'**

"What are you talking about, are the Chuunin exams starting soon? What do they have to do with getting off Tenten-chan? And I'm always popular! Even more than you!" shouted Naruto pointing at the fox demon.

"**Oh never mind, just hurry up and get off the girl. You'll need to get to the meeting soon or you might miss it. You're meeting your temporary teacher whose going to accompany you to your new mission remember? You still don't know any details apart from the fact that you'll go to the sand"**

"Oh yeah, that reminds me of why I'm here. I need you to help me to open the first chakra gate." said Naruto.

"**Why?" asked the fox curiously. "I taught you how to do it and you could open up to the sixth gate by now by yourself, so why ask me to do it for you lazy bum?"**

"I'm not lazy!" yelled Naruto, "I'm just too distracted to do it right now ok?" he said blushing. **"Fine, fine… but you owe me a favor." grumbled the fox as he concentrated.**

Tenten had noticed that Naruto seemed to have started to think of something because he hadn't moved for almost a full ten minutes. She stopped rubbing her cheek against his (she kept doing it because it felt so good but now her neck was sore...) and looked at his face. 'So cute…' she thought,

'I wonder if he'll mind if I …' she started edging her lips closer to his face, while her heart rate increased the closer she got. But before her lips made contact, Naruto opened his eyes, a large amount of chakra suddenly flowing through his body. Tenten realized that he had opened his chakra gate because she had seen Lee practice it everyday in the training grounds while Neji sat in a corner and meditated. Naruto focused the chakra on his hands and legs and pushed hard onto ground, sending the huge pile of blanket flying upwards a few feet off him, landing with a flump behind him.

"Yes! Finally got it off!" he said happily. But then he froze when he saw the tears forming in Tenten's eyes.

"Am I just so ugly and fat that you want to get away from me as fast as you can?" she squeaked as she started to sob.

"No!" said Naruto quickly as he started to panic, he couldn't handle crying girls, he'd get too soft and promise anything. The last time Sakura did it and managed to make him promise to make him try to find out what Sasuke likes. He shuddered at the memory.

_ Flashback _

_He had followed Sasuke around for a week after missions, asking what he liked. In the end Sasuke asked him if he was gay in front of Lee and Ino (who were helping Trunade and Shizune carry some paperwork to the Hokage's office.). Ino dropped the papers at once and ran off to tell Sasuke's fan girls that Naruto was trying to steal Sasuke, Lee too had dropped his papers and started running around in circles screaming that Sasuke had brain damage and couldn't pick apart Naruto and Gai (He misheard 'Gay' for 'Gai') and ended up tripping over Topton and hit a lamp post, blacking out. Shizune started picking up the paperwork grumbling about irresponsible kids and Trunade ran towards Naruto grabbed him by the collar of his orange jumpsuit and dragged him to the hospital to check his sexuality with a special test that consisted of showing him pages of adult magazines and reading out parts of Icha Icha Paradise to him to see how he reacted._

_After passing out with severe blood loss, Trunade had confirmed that he was not gay and Shizune carried him back home giggling. He had to evade half of the female teens in the village for a month until Trunade took pity in him and told them about the test (skipping the parts about what it included). After the girls thought their Sasuke-kun wasn't endangered by Naruto, they stopped hunting him and left him alone._

_ End flashback _

He didn't want to experience something like that ever again so he needed to be careful, but Tenten's teary face was melting his barrier of will like fire to ice.

"But… (sob), but you even opened a … (sob), a chakra gate to get away Fr… (sob) , from me…" she said through soft sobs, her eyes full of tears thratening to burst out at any moment.

"N-no," stuttered Naruto, seeing her crying made him feel bad. "I wanted to get off you quickly so I won't squash your beautiful body, and your so cute, not ugly at all." said Naruto quickly, trying to cheer her up before he did any other stupid things.

"Really?" asked Tenten, looking at Naruto with watery eyes.

"Of course!" said Naruto hurriedly. "In fact, since you're so cute, I'll treat you to some ice-cream tomorrow evening, Tenten-chan." he said the first idea of how to cheer her up that came to his mind.

"YAY!" Tenten suddenly cried, flinging her arms around Naruto's neck, pulling him into a tight hug, her attitude doing a 180 degree turn.

"I love ice-cream! Thank you so much Naruto-kun!" she kissed him on the cheek happily, making Naruto blush. A second later she realized what she had just done and blushed too. She quickly released her hold on his neck and ran away quickly, shouting "See you tomorrow at the ice-cream stand, Naruto-kun!" back at him.

Naruto touched the spot Tenten kissed, dazed. Then he remembered about the meeting at the north gate and started to hurry towards it. But he hadn't gone two paces when he heard Sakura shout "Oi! Naruto!" He stopped running to see Sakura running towards him.

"Oh hi Sakura-chan!" he said, "I was just he..." (Bonk) Sakura has just reached him and had hit him on the head hard with the same pink rubber hammer Tenten used earlier.

"Why were you late you baka!" She yelled, chucking the rubber hammer aside and hooking her arm around Naruto's neck, trying to strangle him. "When you weren't there after an hour we thought something had happened to you and split up to find you! And now I find you perfectly okay and …hey, you smell nice…" she commented stopping her attempt of murder when a nice smell which reminded her of fresh flowers caught her nose, she breathed it in deeply, enjoying the scent. Then she realized that she had her face VERY close to Naruto's, way too close. She immediately let go of him, a blush creeping up her face.

"You were too late so our temporary sensei postponed the meeting to tomorrow morning at the same place, so don't be late this time or I'll kill you for sure." she walked off quickly. After turning a corner, she stopped and took a deep calming breath, thinking "Why does Naruto seem so mature and sexy today...ahhhhh! Naruto can't be sexy, I mean he's kinda cute, but not that sexy...Noo! I'm going mad!' she started banging her head against a brick wall, shattering it. "Opps... better go before someone finds out..." she muttered before leaving.

Back with Naruto 

'Can't believe I'm still alive! This must be my lucky day! First I meet Tenten-chan and get to see her tomorrow, and then Sakura-chan didn't kill me for being late. Yay! I'm going to celebrate with a large bowl of ramen!' he thought happily running to Ichiraku Ramen, failing to notice the blush that was on his teammates face when she left. 'Better not make being late a habit though, I might not be so lucky next time. Then I'll be like Kakashi-sensei.' he thought as he jumped onto the rooftops.

With Kakashi

Kakashi sneezed, spraying spit through his facemask onto the expensive vase he was cleaning on the second floor. At first nothing seemed to happen, but then the vase started glowing a mysterious color. Then a blue genie with a small black beard came out (Much like the one in Aladdin) yawning widely.

"You have summoned the blue genie of the vase. I will grant you three wishes, so speak up, what do you want?" said the genie in a surprisingly girly voice. Without so much as a thought, Kakashi said,

"I wish to know your gender. You know? What are you? Male or female?"

"Both." the genie replied calmly, giggling girlishly at the shocked look on Kakashi's face.

"What do you mean both? What, do you have a (beep) and a (beep) … huh? What the (beep) is with the (beep)ing sound?" he asked no one in particular.

"You're using words that aren't suitable for kids to hear, so I filtered them out with the magic button." he held out a black plastic box with a red button on top. "If you want to say those words, say them in a more formal phrase."

"What the (beep)? I don't know the formal word of sexual organs. Oh (beep) It." he cursed the (beep)ing sound and took out a paper bag and started talking to the girlish genie again.

"Do you mean that you have a…" he pulled out a sausage,

"And a …" he pulled out a jam dounut and continued "…at the same time?"

"Coarse I do, I'm a genie. Genies eat sausages and jam dounuts to live." he pulled out a stack of sausages from his vase and took a bit out of one.

"But what's that got to do with my gender?" asked the genie through a mouth full of sausage, spraying Kakashi with food.

"NO!" shouted Kakashi. "I mean do you have …wait a second." Kakashi stormed off and after exactly one second, dragged a confused Yuki into the room (who was trimming a large plant with a huge pair of scissors just outside).

"I'm asking you if you have this…" he pulled down his pants pointing at a spot below his waist. "…and this…" ignoring Yuki's stares he grabbed the hem of her dress, pulling it up, ripped sway her white knickers and pointed between her legs, "…at the same time?"

"Yes... that a problem?" asked the genie, looking puzzled as Yuki stopped trying to murder Kakashi screaming "Pervert!" to stare at the genie with her mouth open.

Kakashi took the chance to say "I wish you will make Yuki stop trying to kill me" before Yuki could start attacking again him with her rather huge menacing pair of scissors to cut off a certain body part of his, the genie said

"Wish granted." and snapped his fingers (literally). "Ouch, fu(Beep) finger, (beep) …" he stopped cursing when he heard the beeping and looked at Kakashi. Kakashi shrugged, "Someone's got to do this you know." he said holding the box. But then it was knocked out of his hands when Yuki smashed into him, hugging him tightly.

"Kakashi-kun! Why is your d(Beep) (the genie had quickly picked up the box and pressed the button on time) sticking out, do you want me to 'play' with you? I'll do anything for you Kakashi-kun!" she tried to pin him down but Kakashi dodged, pulling his pants back up while shouting "What the (beep) is going on!" to the genie.

"Well…" said the genie calmly, "You wished for Yuki to stop killing you, for that she will have to love you to overcome the urge to kill you, but since I am a genie of love, or rather sex, I got carried away and over did it a bit, so she not only loves you, but also lusts for your body too."

"Then make her not lust for my body then... then! I must save my first time for Anko-chan!" shouted Kakashi while pushing Yuki off him who had successfully pinned him to the floor and started ripping off his clothes and tossing them aside.

"This is your third wish then?" asked the genie, preparing to grant it.

"YES!" shouted Kakashi pushing Yuki's head away from his private area. The genie flicked his fingers this time and Yuki stopped trying to give Kakashi a you-know-what. She suddenly dashed from the room.

"Phew… that was really clo…" he started but didn't continue because Yuki had ran back in, wearing very exposing clothing and dragging a metal chair with chains and all sorts of S&M equipment stacked on top.

She swiftly grabbed Kakashi and chained him to the chair, making it impossible to use jutsu or escape.

"What's going on?" shouted a terrified Kakashi to the genie.

"Well…" said the genie scratching his/her head "They say that love is the most powerful force in the word, _I _say sexy woman with S&M personalities are the true rulers on this earth, So it seems that I have flipped her switch and created an unstoppable monster..."

He looked at the scene in front of him and was slightly annoyed that no one was listening to his confusing crap.

"Well, my job is done, see you after a hundred years, if you're still alive by then" he vanished back into the vase, chucking some condoms in the direction of Kakashi saying "Have fun, and play safe."

"Wait! Save meeeeee!" he yelled at the vase but no reply came.

Retreating to grab the black box off the floor, Yuki advanced again at Kakashi, drooling as she locked the door as she passed it. Kakashi only had one thought before the wild day continued

'I'm so screwed.'

With Tenten

Tenten sat under her favorite tree in the park, thinking. Why did she get so emotional around Naruto, she didn't even flinch when some guy told her that he thought that she looked and dressed like a pig in a wig before Neji beat the shit out of him. And she just lost control of her emotions and acted like an immature schoolgirl around Naruto because she had a thought that the blonde didn't like her. She even kissed him without a second thought.

She blushed at the memory. Then she remembered something else that made her heart leap. He had called her Tenten-CHAN, does that mean that he has feelings toward her the same way she's been feeling toward the blonde. Maybe she'll figure it out later because she was hungry.

She was about to leave for lunch when Lee popped up, shouted "Tenten!" and ran towards her, only to receive a punch in the face. "What do you want Lee?" asked Tenten sounding annoyed.

"Gai-sensei told me and Neji to find you because you weren't there when sensei remembered about a meeting. So he went there to wait while we find you. Then an hour of trying to find you later sensei comes again and tells me to tell you to meet him somewhere at the north gate tomorrow morning to discuss about a new mission." he said all in one breath.

"Oh ok, see you tomorrow then Lee, bye." was all she said and she vanished at a quick speed, soon she was cooking ramen for lunch at her house thinking 'I wonder what will the mission will be, hope it won't be too long or I'll miss ice-cream with Naruto-kun.'

At the Ichiraku Ramen stand, Naruto was thinking about the similar thing while slurping down ramen, not noticing that the cook's daughter Aryme was drooling at him with hearts in her eyes for some reason.

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	3. The results of the experiment

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Somewhere in Konoha (re-winded a bit)

Jiraiya grinned widely as he watched Naruto in the shadows with a telescope, and started scribbling madly as he watched Naruto crash into Tenten and tumbled into an alleyway.

"Yes!" he said aloud as he watched Naruto and Tenten struggle to get the blankets off them. He then quickly used a jutsu to eavesdrop on them. When Tenten got out and started to cut the blankets off Naruto, the super pervert summoned a small frog and gave it some orders, the frog used some thin string to tie Naruto's foot to some of the blankets and backed off when Naruto tried to stand up. His leg tugged on to the blankets he stumbled into Tenten while pulling the huge pile of blankets (With some help from Jiraiya who used his chakra to give the blankets a push from behind.) back onto him and Tenten. Jiraiya then started giggling madly and drooling as he heard Tenten's loud moans. His grin widened even more when he heard her mutter stuff like "don't stop" and "more".

'It's working better than I expected, you should be thankful I used you as my test subject, Naruto…' thought Jiraiya as he put away his telescope. He dispelled his eavesdropping jutsu and canceled his summoned frog, which had gotten stuck in the blankets when Naruto threw the pile off himself and Tenten. Jiraiya quickly left to discuss the results of the experiment with his partner in crime.

With Kakashi

＜In the evening.＞

Kakashi put his clothes back on, wincing as the clothing passed the places where Yuki had whipped him. He glanced back at Yuki, who was currently sleeping on the floor with her arms around a Kakashi-shaped doll. When she had unchained him from the chair to continue their "fun" after two hours of sexual torture, Kakashi had been whipped, burned, sucked, groped, and many other crazy stuff only Jiraiya could think of. Then she had tied him to the bed in the room (Kakashi was worn out from the S&M-ing and didn't have the strength to resist) and climbed on top of him, completely naked. Kakashi, who was also completely stripped of clothing, could only watch as Yuki entertained herself with his body, and after another three hours, finally fell asleep exhausted on Kakashi

Kakashi struggled with the ropes that bound him for five or six minutes before finally breaking free. He tried to move but Yuki had her slender legs wrapped around his legs and her arms around his neck, her body pressed onto his. With much difficulty, he formed the hand seals he needed and used the replacement jutsu, replacing him self with a Kakashi doll. He left the room and went to take a bath in the hot springs. He changed into a towel and went into the springs, wincing again as his damaged skin touched the warm water.

He sat there for a while, wondering what to do with his messed up life. Today, he had lost his virginity to a mad woman who was barely eighteen years old. He had failed his Anko-chan and cannot face her anymore. Kakashi looked up at the moon, remembering how he had first met Anko.

_Flashback_

_Kakashi ran through the forest, heading to the forest at breakneck speed. He had just finished training on how to perfect his Chidori and was now rushing towards Konoha's lone cinema to watch the First Icha Icha paradise motion picture._

_He had waited for three weeks to watch the movie. He had waited in front of the cinema for three days just so he could be the first one to buy a ticket. He had bought the one in the first row and used half of his salary to buy the special edition if Icha Icha Paradise Volume I, which had extra scenes and chapters, including illustrations of the inspiration which had caused the amazing author to write this masterpiece. It was strange since he thought he had seen those naked women somewhere before, but couldn't remember where, until he saw a group of them entering the bathhouse he was passing. He shrugged it off and entered the cinema,_

_It was there, in the seat next to him was Anko, who was watching the screen with extreme concentration while sucking on a piece of dango. She had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, which was filled with the same kind of innocence that only Naruto had. Even when she watched the most "exciting" part of the show, she didn't have any reaction when the whole group in the cinema (including Kakashi) fell to the floor unconscious from extreme bloodloss. When it was over, she got up and looked around the cinema, seeing everyone lying on the ground or hanging off their chairs. Then Kakashi stirred, mumbling something that caught Anko's interest. She carried Kakashi out of the cinema and laid him on a bench in the park she woke him up by stroking a sensitive area and giggled at the sudden yelp of Kakashi_

_. Kakashi shuddered when he saw who had woken him up, Anko was famous for her temper and behavior. She was very childish and dangerous at the same time, which was not good because the combination would make it a bomb waiting to blow up when somebody pressed the wrong button. He was thinking on how to escape when Anko spoke "Why were you lying on the floor with blood running down your nose?" she said giggling. _

"_Well…" said Kakashi slowly, he needed to choose his words carefully, because he wanted to live long enough to see the next season of Icha Icha Paradise. "It's because the movie is very good, so exciting that I had a nosebleed." he said uncertainly. _

"_Really?" she asked, "It seemed boring, it didn't even have any interesting stuff in It." the most non boring thing was the fact that the main character had blonde hair and blue eyes like the forth hokage._

"_What?" said Kakashi disbelievingly, "What about the sex scenes? Surely you came to watch this movie because you want to see the magnificent novel in motion?" he said. _

"_Not really." said Anko, I just bought the wrong ticket and watched this because I was bored, and those scenes aren't that good anyway. Those positions are mostly impossible. I prove it to you some day." she said. Kakashi was so shocked that she didn't like the masterpiece of Jiraiya's work he took out his special edition of Icha Icha Paradise Volume I and shoved it in front of her face at the page of illustrations. _

"_Hey," said Anko looking at the pictures closely, "The illustrator sucks, Mimi's breasts are WAY bigger and Niko's skin is not that dark. Whoever did this sucks at it, he should change jobs."_

_Kakashi was stunned, Anko was talking about sexual stuff like it was food of drinks, not even a tiny hint of embarrassment in her voice and on her face." that was when Kakashi realized that she was the girl he wanted, a girl who wouldn't kick him in the balls for or burn his books whenever he read his books._

"_But the scenes, they're fantastic, don't you want to be held like that? While a sexy man gave you the time of your life, like in the movie?" said Kakashi._

"_Yeah, I do." said Anko, "But that crap in the movie sucks so much that I'll die of boredom."_

"_I'll prove that the technique the main character uses will have you moaning for more!" shouted Kakashi who couldn't stand people who insult Icha Icha Paradise, like Gai for example. _

"_Like you can!" Anko shouted back, annoyed. "I bet you that the next movie even crapper, and if it is better than this one, I'll become your personal slave, and do all that crap you call "exciting" in that crappy movie with you!"_

"_You're on!" shouted Kakashi, "If I lose, I'll never read a porn novel ever again, not like I'll ever lose to you!"_

"_You said it, and I'll personally burn those things you call books when you lose." she said before stomping away, scaring anything that breathes to death with her glare as she walks past._

_End flashback_

Kakashi sighed heavily, it was then when he started turning up late for everything. He went to the memorial stone to visit Obito evey day, not to grieve, but to ask him advice on how to sort out his feelings. He was in love and he was troubled. He could kill enemies in a blink of an eye and has copied more than a thousand jutsus but he can't handle his love life, and just lost his virginity to a mad girl who loves him because he wished it.

He had sat in the spring for so long that he was getting a bit dizzy, so he got out and went back to his sleeping quarters to rest. He would deal with the sex-loving Yuki tomorrow and then think about what to do.

At the Hokage's tower

"So is the experiment successful?" asked Tsunade, her hands on her desk and looking interested at her companion.

"Very successful, Trunade." said Jiraiya grinning.

"The washing materials we gave him are working very well. In fact, it's much more effective than I imagined. I think it has to do with something about Naruto, he seems to have some sort of charm or something that arouses girls. I bet he'll become the target of many girls after a few days."

"Good…" said Tsunade grinning

"Naruto is going to be fun to watch these days, I haven't seen stuff this interesting since Naruto accidentally flew over onto Shizune in the bathtub through the window where she was bathing by a punch from Sakura for "peeping" on her in the hot springs when he had misread the sign, I think Shizune has had a crush on him ever since because according to her, he is quite well built for a boy his age."

"What? Shizune is into younger boys?" said Jiraiya surprised.

"Oh come on, She's only about nineteen years old, she was seven when I found her in a destroyed village twelve years ago." said Tsunade.

"And Naruto is fifteen years old. Anyway, he needs some fun, he nearly died the time he dragged Sasuke back from Orochimaru with two holes in his chest and the sword of Chiutai sticking out of his right arm. Barely anyone knew that it was Naruto who dragged Sasuke back. They all think that Sasuke came back on his own accord." She clenched her hand angrily thinking about the unfairness of Naruto's life.

"Anyway." said Jiraiya,

"I still don't know why Naruto didn't just kill Sasuke when they fought. I mean, if Naruto killed him, he could have left before Orochimaru turned up. Orochimaru was armless at that time, but still very dangerous. Makes me wonder how he survived."

"It's for some promise he made to Sakura." said Tsunade.

"He promised her that he will bring Sasuke back alive and he never breaks his promises even if it costs him his life. If Naruto hadn't found out how to destroy the cursed seal, I would have killed Sasuke anyway."

"How is Team Seven working right now anyway?" asked Jiraiya.

"Well they are working okay, but Sakura is still ogling Sasuke. She even thinks Sasuke came back on his own accord even when Naruto was in the hospital for three bloody weeks to recover from two Chidoris, deadly poison and that f#&king sword Orochimaru uses. Shizune had to strap him to the bed and watch him twenty-four seven to keep him from escaping." said Tsunade.

"Not that she didn't enjoy being the one to wash Naruto." she added with a small smirk. "I never thought I would see the day Naruto begging Shizune not to give him ramen, but after you eat the hospital meals, dog poop will seem like a feast." she laughed at the memory of Naruto begging Shizune not to feed him the "horrible stuff" in the bowl and Shizune had managed to convince him to eat it by threatening to tell Gaara that he saw Temari naked in the hot springs a few times."

"He did?" asked Jiraiya looking surprised.

"Apparently Naruto was finding certain a white-haired faggot to train him when he saw Temari in the hot springs. The time Gaara came to ask for a team to help deliver scrolls a month ago when they arrived remember? The mission was supposed to start today but Naruto was late for the meeting, which was because of our little experiment right?" asked Tsunade.

Jiraiya nodded. "The mission starts tomorrow now so it won't too bad." he replied.

"You might want to sent an extra person too because the bandits are increasing around the borders and Gai's team is more specialized in spying and informating gathering, even with the Naruto the super idiot on the team, it's still very risky against that big group of people. So I think it is best if we sign a medic-nin on the team, incase anyone gets hurt. Don't trust Sakura to be the medic, she'll just think of Sasuke the whole mission."

"I think I know the perfect choice." said Tsunade as Shizune walked into the room with some letters for her to read.

"What choice, Tsunade-sama?" she asked curiously as she set the letters onto the desk.

"Shizune, I am putting you on a mission to the Hidden Sand Village with your cru… (Clears throat) I mean with Naruto's team and Team Gai. You will meet them At the North gate at seven o'clock to leave, clear?"

"Um… Okay." Shizune said nervously, but inside she was celebrating.

'I'm going on a mission with Naruto-kun! Hurray! Hurray!' Some of her inner feelings must have shown on her face because Tsunade and Jiraiya were grinning evilly at her.

"What? Do I stink or something?" she asked, a bit unnerved to see Tsunade-sama and Jiraiya-sama looking at her in a creepy manner.

"Oh nothing much, have "fun" at the mission." they said at the same time, emphasizing the word "Fun" while still looking at her in that creepy way.

"Okay…" Shizune said unsurely.

"I think that I will go and pack for the mission tomorrow, bye." she left the room quickly eager to get away from the two Sannin's creepy gaze.

"How much do you bet that Shizune rapes Naruto during the mission because he is so handsome and sexy." said Tsunade grinning widely.

"Nothing." said Jiraiya.

"I bet that all the girls that Naruto meets during the mission will try to molest him. He's already seduced Tonton… (Oink?) …I mean Tenten unknowingly this morning." said Jiraiya happily.

"And Sakura caught a small blast too, but she's too stupid to notice Naruto anyway, she's blind to everything except Sasuke." Tsunade said grimly.

"Naruto will become the women's dreams when I complete the experiment. All he needs to do is to use the shampoo for a week and the effect will last forever. " said Jiraiya proudly.

"Then he will be the happiest man on earth, with better looks than the fourth hokage and the heart of all the hokages put together, which he was born with. And I will become the greatest pervert in history to create the legend of an idiot who wins all the hearts of the girls in Konoha and creates a utopia with love and sex! Muahahahahaha!" He laughed crazily and was bonked on the head by Tsunade who was holding a familiar pink hammer.

"Wake up, Naruto won't create a utopia yet because he hasn't become hokage yet and he is not old enough to have sex too." she said casually.

"Though he is already very big down there." she added as an afterthought.

"And you call me a pervert…" muttered Jiraiya only to receive another whack on the head by the hammer again.

The conversation continued for a while about Naruto's stupidity while the rest of Konoha rested in peace… at least most of the village.

At Naruto's crappy apartment.

Naruto sneezed again for the hundredth time that night. He sat up looking at his fixed clock. It read Twelve o'clock.

"Darn, who on earth is talking about me late at night. Maybe it's Kakashi-sensei or someone…zzzz" he flopped back onto his bead, snoring loudly. Not noticing the young woman sitting at his table packing his things for him.

"Silly idiot…" the young woman said softly as she cleared away the rubbish under his bed, and taking his clothes out to wash them for him. She noticed the yellow book and took it out, reading the cover with the moonlight. 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn" was visible on the cover.

She looked at the innocent looking boy, who was drooling muttering stuff like "Ramen" and "ice-cream". She sighed and put the book back into the box and put the box back under his bed.

"Kakashi-san and Jiraiya-sama are starting to affect you, Naruto-kun." Shizune said softly while looking at his cute face, wanting nothing more than to kiss it. She leaned closer to Naruto, getting closer to his face. She breathed in the scent of Naruto's hair and started getting dirty ideas. Her soft lips almost made contact with Naruto's when Naruto rolled over, falling off the bed with an "Ouch…"

Shizune's apartment

Shizune reappeared in front of her table, breathing deeply while blushing like mad. "That was close…" she murmured to herself as she sat down on her bed thinking about what gave her those perverted thoughts. She took out a book from under her pillow and looked at the cover.

"Maybe I should stop reading these books anymore… I think that they are making me think inappropriately." she said to herself and tossed the book onto her table. She stripped herself and slid under her covers since it was mid-July and was too hot for clothes in her opinion. She drifted of to sleep mumbling how Kakashi sets bad examples for the people around him.

A weak ray of moonlight shone over the yellow book and you could just make out the words 'Icha Icha Paradise.'

At Naruto's crappy apartment

Naruto got back onto his bed sleepily, looking around for the shadow he saw. "That's strange, I swear I saw someone leaning over me…" he looked at his table to see his bag packed and his weapons and clothes cleaned. "What happened..." he murmured before flumping back on his bed.

"Stupid Kakashi-sensei saying people who break into your house are thieves. But I don't lock my door anyway…zzzz" he fell asleep again mumbling about mask-wearing perverts.

With Kakashi

Kakashi sneezed and woke up from his usual nightmare consisting of Cooking pots and TV remotes, but this time with Yuki chasing him around holding a whip and a red hot choker, trying to capture him.

He tried to get up but Yuki was on top of him sleeping. He sighed and closed his eyes wondering "How the hell did I get into this mess…"

Yuki tightened her hold on Kakashi and drooled onto his shirt. Kakashi fell asleep thinking if he would survive tomorrow without being raped or killed, back into the nightmares of his Doom.

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	4. Growing list of girls

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**Chapter 4: Growing list of girls **

At Naruto's crappy apartment

Naruto's newly bought alarm clock went off, the sound sent the birds flying away and the people living in the next building (Nobody wants to live in the same building as Naruto so they all moved at least one block away from him.) to wake up. The sound lasted for 3 whole minutes but Naruto still slept soundly, until the alarm lock fell off the table next to his bed and hit the floor with a smash. The sleepy blonde finally got up when a battery hit him on the forhead and lazily and went to the bathroom.

He washed his face and brushed his teeth. He then took a shower (with the stuff Jiraiya mentioned). After that he went back to the only other room in his apartment and changed into the fresh clothes on his table (his orange jumpsuit) and looked under his bed for some food, but after looking for a while he found nothing. Sighing, he pulled his wallet out from under his pillow and looked at the contents inside it. He had enough for two bowls of ramen the rest would be used for other purposes.

He left his apartment, not bothering to lock his door since nothing in there was worth much and no one other than him lived in this building anyway. Naruto zoomed off to the Ichiraku Ramen Stand to have his breakfast.

Training grounds

Neji was sitting in the shade of a large tree watching his teammates doing their training. Lee was currently doing push ups, about halfway through his goal of 400. The Hyuuga watched as Lee went on and on, with no sign of tiredness on his face, while Tenten was a few feet away from him practicing her with her kunai and shuriken. Neji observed her for a while and noticed something strange, Tenten's kunai and shuriken were whizzing through the air, striking the tree but almost all of them missed the target stuck on the wood, some of them hitting the trees nowhere near the target while most of the metal bounced off the trees harmlessly. Neji decided to go and see what's going on.

"What's bugging you Tenten?" said Neji walking up to the girl and crossing his arms. He started feeling annoyed when Tenten continued to chuck her weapons carelessly at the direction of the tree ignoring him as if she was in a trance. Neji sighed and spoke again

"Tenten what's bugging you?" he asked again. When he received no response he walked in front of her targets, thinking that she would stop and notice him now. He was wrong because Tenten still chucked stuff at his direction. Shocked that the girl still didn't notice he was there, He didn't react fast enough and was hit by one of the kunai.

"TENTEN!" The girl snapped out of it and looked blankly at Neji, who was clutching his bleeding shoulder with his left hand, looking very annoyed. Then Tenten realized what had happened and rushed up to him, apologizing.

"Sorry Neji! I was thinking about something and didn't see you." she said and handed him some bandages.

"What's bugging you?" asked Neji for the third time while cleaning his wound with some strange white stuff. He glared at Tenten who blushed a bit and replied "Nothing important."

"Yeah, and that unimportant thing distracted you so much you hit your own teammate with a kunai." said Neji sarcastically. He finished cleaning the wound and wrapped bandages around it, tying the knot carefully. "So, what happened? You missed the meeting yesterday and turn up today looking like someone who saw Lee naked in the shower." Tenten, who had zoomed away again, only caught the words "saw Lee naked in the shower"

"What? You saw Lee naked in the shower?" she asked surprised, making Neji extremely annoyed. "No I didn't see Lee naked in the shower and I was asking you why you are so distracted today." Tenten was about to answer when Lee walked up to them, having finished his pushups. "What are you two talking about?" he asked, looking from an extremely annoyed Neji to Tenten who was … 'Blushing?' Lee thought. 'I've hardly ever seen Tenten blush before, something strange must have happened.'

"So what's going on? Did Neji just confess his undying love to you or is it the other way around?" he asked the girl. Tenten's blush disappeared as she snorted.

"As if he ever will. I think he's gay." she said.

"I'm not!" Neji shouted defensively, almost _too_ defensively, she ignored him and continued.

"I was just thinking about Nar…" she stopped herself from saying the rest of the sentence, but the other two took a guess.

Neji smirked and said "Ahh… of course, you were thinking about Naruto. Then I assume that you didn't show up for the mission because you two were too busy making out in a dark alleyway or something." he joked, but was surprised when Tenten blushed a deep shade of red. He looked shocked.

"...You two were really making out somewhere weren't you?" he accused. Tenten blushed even deeper and looked anywhere but at Neji's pale eyes.

"Well… not exactly, we just bumped into each other pretty hard and tumbled into this alleyway with some torn blankets in it. We got stuck and it took us a long time to get out and we were pressed into each other and…" her voice faded into nothingness as her face got even redder than possible, pressing two of her fingers very much like Hinata.

Neji was about to ask her why she liked the idiot Naruto and not him when Gai appeared in a puff of smoke standing on a large red turtle, doing a pose with his teeth gleaming.

"Good morning my dear pupils! Today is the day we go on a mission to the Sand, and we shall complete the mission with our flames of YOUTH with our other teammates!" he shouted doing a second pose his teeth gleaming again!"

"Gai-sensei you are so hip!" shouted Lee tears streaming down his eyes hugging his sensei.

"Lee!" Gai shouted back, tears streaming down his eyes too, hugging his pupil back. The scene behind them turned into a view of the sunset.

"Gai-sensei!" (Neji frowned.)

"Lee!" (Neji's scowl became more pronounced.)

"Gai-sensei!" (Neji started twitching.)

"Lee!" (Neji started radiating an uncomfortable aura.)

"Gai-sensei!" (Neji activated his Byakugan)

"Lee!" (Neji prepared to strike the duo with kunai.)

Tenten, who noticed the danger signs (in other words Neji who is preparing to attack.) quickly intervened before Neji could attempt murder. She stepped between her sensei and Neji, holding a certain large pink hammer in her hands. Stepped up to Gai and Lee, raising the hammer. Then, she started whacking the pair of them, shouting "Stop acting so gay for once, we need to go to meet our other teammates for the mission!"

The two green beasts of Konoha stopped their hugging for a moment, looking at Tenten who had the large pink hammer propped on her shoulder, frowning at them. Then, to Tenten's horror, they burst into tears of joy again, once again locking in a bear hug, Gai shouting "Tenten is so youthful! Our team is blessed with youthful members!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted. (Scene changed to a waterfall)

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Neji, who had finally snapped and started chucking his weapons at Gai and Lee shouting "We need to get to the north gate to meet our teammates for the mission you GAY ASSES!!!!"

Gai and Lee looked shocked at the fact that Neji had actually shouted, chucking stuff at them too (All of them missed because Neji was too pissed off to aim.). They stared at the Hyuuga for a while before, once again bursting into tears, this time Lee shouted "Neji is so hip! He too is also burning with the flames of YOUTH!" he shouted hugging his sensei again.

"Our team is blessed with YOUTHFUL members!" Gai shouted before breaking the hug. "To celebrate our youthfulness, Tenten and Neji, please put these on!" he held out two green spandex suits. Tenten and Neji looked truly horrified, and started backing off, Tenten holding up her pink hammer in defense.

"Um…" said Neji, looking around for the best escape route. Tenten continued the sentence for him. "I think we should get going, the others are waiting for us." she said before turning around. She started running to the north gate with Neji desperate to get away from the two maniacs behind them. Lee and Gai followed shouting things about their youthfulness and how the suits would fit their teammates perfectly.

Ichiraku Ramen Stand

Naruto slurped down his fifth bowl of ramen. The old man was not here today so Ayame took care of the store. She gave him bowl after bowl of free ramen just so she could see his cute face longer. Naruto noticed her staring at him and looked up, puzzled. "Any thing wrong? Ayame-chan?" he asked not noticing her blush when he looked at her. Ayame quickly said the first excuse she thought of.

"Just wondering how to explain to my father why you got so many free bowls of ramen in one day." she said looking dreamily into his sky blue eyes, making Naruto getting a bit red in the face. He wasn't used to girls staring at him in that kind of way.

"Um… maybe you could say that you lost some of It." he said lamely as Ayame still stared at him with some kind of emotion he wasn't familiar with.

"But that would be a lot of trouble." the girl said, a sudden idea forming in her mind.

"I guess I could pay for you…" she said a mischievous smile forming on her face,

"But I would want something in return."

"Sure." said Naruto, "What would you like?" he asked.

"A date." she replied, smiling sweetly at him. Naruto, who was taking a sip water, choked on it. He looked up at the smiling girl, blushing. Ayame giggled at his confused look.

"So when do I get my date, Naruto-kun?" she asked happily.

"Um...uh...Maybe sometime after my mission. It lasts for about a month." he said unsteadily. Ayame looked disappointed.

"You mean I will have to wait for a whole month without seeing you?" she said.

"Sorry, but I promise once I get back I'll take you somewhere great!" said Naruto quickly not wanting to see the girl sad.

"Okay…" said Ayame looking slightly happier, "But I will have to take something of yours so you don't forget." she said.

"Okay, what do you want to take?" asked Naruto. The girl smiled mischievously again.

"Lean forward Naruto-kun, and close your eyes." she said. Naruto panicked. 'She's going to take my forehead protector.' he thought as he did what he was told and leaned forward towards her, closing his eyes. Then he felt her hands lifting his face and then suddenly her soft lips were pressed against his, surprising him. After a full ten seconds, he felt her lips leave his and he opened his eyes to see Ayame looking very pleased with a heavy blush on her face.

"There." she said happily. "I stole a kiss and when you come back and take me on a date, I'll give it back." she said giggling at Naruto who was blushing like crazy.

"You should go to meet your teammates for the mission you know." she stated when he didn't do anything apart from blushing and staring.

"Or do you want to have another kiss before you go." she asked hopefully. "Uh…" Naruto said but couldn't continue because Ayame yanked him back towards her and kissed him again.

"There." she said after the long kiss. "You'll be late you know if you don't hurry up."

"Uh okay." was all Naruto managed to say before standing up, "Um… see you when I get back, bye." he said before setting off. Leaving behind a very happy ramen girl who sat behind the counter staring dreamily at Naruto's slowly disappearing form, thinking about the date she'll get when he gets back. She didn't even notice the woman who had just entered the store.

"Naruto is so sexy isn't he?" the woman asked.

"Who cares?" replied Ayame dreamily not realizing who it was. "I like him because he's Naruto-kun, not because he's sexy. But he seems even more irresistible lately." she admitted. This made Tsunade grin.

"Sorry to burst your bubble but you are going to have a lot of competition." she said knowingly. Now that caught Ayame's attention.

"What!" she said her head turning to Tsunade so fast that it was quite alarming.

"Yep!" said the hokage.

"Many women have started to notice Naruto. Actually, I just met one at the office who has a crush on him for a while already. And even if he doesn't realize it, he'll be flocked by girls soon enough, so you better try hard or he'll be taken soon.

"I won't lose to anybody!" She said loudly, flames in her eyes. "Naruto-kun will be mine!"

"Well good luck then, said Tsunade. "Now if you would kindly stop dreaming about the boy please get me a bowl of miso ramen." Ayame blushed and quickly started work.

In front of the north gate

Sakura and Sasuke stood in front of the gate waiting for the others. Sasuke was brooding as usual and Sakura was trying to get Sasuke to go on a date.

"Oh come on Sasuke-kun, a date wouldn't hurt wouldn't it?" she asked hopefully. Sasuke ignored her. Sakura nagged him for another five minutes before giving up. It was almost seven a.m. and she was about to explode from boredom when she saw Tenten and Neji running towards them at high speed.

"Quick! Hide us now before Gai and Lee find us!" said Tenten panicking. Then they heard Gai's voice along with Lee's. "Too late!" she said.

"There they are! Our youthful teammates are with Sasuke-kun and Sakura-san!" shouted Lee, running towards them with Gai close behind.

"Where're our last teammates?" asked Gai, finally putting the spandex suits away. Tenten and Neji relaxed a bit.

"Yeah, where is the idiot?" asked Neji. Tenten looked puzzled.

"We're doing the mission with you guys?" she asked. Sakura nodded.

"That means our teammate is …" she stopped abruptly at the sound of screaming. She turned around just in time to see an orange blur zoom past her, jumping into a tree near them. She saw the reason a few seconds later. A huge group of girls ran up to them panting.

"Hey have you seen a hot sexy blonde guy running pass?" one of them asked. The six of them just stared dumbly back. "I guess not then." another one said and they ran off to find 'the hot sexy blonde guy.' after they left, Naruto emerged form his hiding place and walked up to them panting hard.

"Those maniacs started chasing me when I walked by, what's wrong with them?" He asked. No one answered. He looked at the group, confused.

"What?" he asked but then Tenten flung her arms around his neck squealing. Surprised at her actions, Naruto lost balance and fell to the ground with Tenten on top of him.

Sakura, Sasuke, Lee, Gai and Neji stared disbelievingly as Tenten clung to Naruto saying "Yay! I get a mission with Naruto-kun!" Naruto, who was blushing red, said

"Um Tenten-chan, we need to start the mission soon so would you mind if you got off me?"

Tenten realized what she had done and let go of him, blushing red she reluctantly got off the blonde. Naruto got back onto his feet, a bit unnerved at the stares he was receiving (Neji was practically glaring).

"So when do we leave for the mission, Super Fuzzy Brows-sensei?" Gai cleared his throat.

"We leave right after the briefing and when our medic arrives." he said taking a scroll out from his coat while looking at Tenten, who was clinging to Naruto's arm which was making Neji glare. Lee on the other hand was hopelessly trying to answer some questions asked by Sasuke and Sakura.

"Now listen up!" Gai said, catching everyone's attention. Tenten let go of a confused Naruto and looked at her sensei.

"We will travel to the Sand to get some scrolls that will arrive soon. We will stop at villages along the way and help clear out bandits. We will stay at inns during the mission so I hope no one brought tents. They all shook their heads.

"Good and our last teammate just arrived too." he said. They all looked around to see Shizune running towards them, dressed in her usual clothing.

"Sorry I'm late." she said bowing. "I forgot to get the information from the hokage so I needed to go to the Hokage's tower before coming to meet you guys."

Naruto looked delighted.

"Yay! I get to visit Garra, Temari and Kankuro with Sakura-chan, Fuzzy Brows, Super Fuzzy Brows-sensei, Tenten-chan, Neji, Sasuke-teme and even Shizune-chan!" he said all in one breath, jumping around happily, making the others sweat drop, apart from Gai who did a pose saying "That's the spirit!"

While Lee said "Naruto-kun is burning with the flames of youth!" doing the same pose of his sensei.

Neji said "Let's just start the mission shall we." Then the group heard loud laughter. And a load voice rang out.

"Naruto! This is your lucky day! I, the legendary ninja of Konoha shall accompany you on your mission!"

With a loud puff of smoke a figure appeared in front of them. Slowly the smoke cleared, revealing …

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	5. Postponed Again

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**Chapter 5: Postponed Again… **

At the North Gate 

"Naruto! This is your lucky day! I, the legendary ninja of Konoha shall accompany you on your mission!"

With a loud puff of smoke a figure appeared in front of them. Slowly the smoke cleared, revealing a white-haired ninja wearing some weird costume, standing on a large frog.

Every-body apart from Naruto gasped when they saw the figure now standing in front of them. Tenten shouted "Oh my god! Are you Jiraiya-sama of the Legendary Three of Konoha?"

"In the flesh." the man replied grinning. Every Chuunin apart from Sakura and gathered around the figure looking at him with wide eyes but Naruto said "Um… What are you doing here, Konohamaru, Moegi, Udon?"

Everyone turned to him, but when no one answered his question, he pointed at Jiraiya saying "Konohamaru, Ero-sennin is taller than that! And you got his forehead protector wrong. Udon and Moegi, the frog you're impersonating is WAY fatter, and the necklace is purple, not pink!" he accused. "AND Ero-sennin would be ogling Tenten right away since she is so beautiful and cute." he added as an afterthought, making Tenten's face turn crimson at being called beautiful and cute.

"Jiraiya" chuckled and with a loud bang some fireworks exploded, consuming him. The smoke cleared revealing Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi who were coughing on all fours. They looked up at the others, and quickly stood up and began their opening speech.

"Prepare for Trouble!" (Konohamaru)

"And make it triple!" (Udon and Moegi)

"To protect Konoha from devastation!" (Udon)

"And unite all shinobi with our nation." (Moegi)

"To seduce all girls with looks and love!" (Konohamaru)

"And create a utopia under the stars above!" (Moegi)

"Udon!" (Udon)

"Moegi!" (Moegi)

"Konohamaru!" (Konohamaru)

"Konohamaru Corps blast off at the speed of light!" (Udon)

"Give in to us now or we'll bite! Bite! Bite!" (Moegi)

"You got it! That's right!" (Konohamaru)

All three did the nice-guy pose, their forehead protectors shining in the sunlight. Causing different reactions from others.

Tenten said "So cute!" Neji muttered something about being fated to meet idiotic people, Sakura and Shizune sweat dropped.

Naruto said "Hey! When did you change the speech?" and lastly, Gai and Lee burst into tears, Gai saying "Our comrades are so youthful!" He said, hugging Lee. (Sasuke didn't react at all.)

"Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted back, the scene turning into a green field with the sun rising slowly.

"Lee!" Gai shouted back, ruining Konohamaru's pose because his hugging caused the third's grandson to start vomiting at the hideous scene.

Udon knelt beside Konohamaru immediately shouting "Someone please save him!" while Moegi took out a large wooden rocket launcher and started shooting massive bombs (Think about DK's cannon in Donkey Kong 64 and the bombs are from The legend of Zelda)in Gai and Lee's direction, screaming "Stop! Stop! Stop!" repeatedly until she ran out of ammunition.

Gai and Lee had to dance around to avoid being hit and stopped when they heard the clicking sound which meant no bombs left. They let out a breath of relief and Gai shouted "Lee! We survived the bombs of our youthful comrades! We are so youthful!"

"Yes! We are so youthful Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted back, about to start hugging his sensei again, only to be knocked out by Moegi who threw the wooden rocket launcher at him which hit him on the head with a loud clunk.

"Lee!" Gai shouted, "What did you…" his stopped mid sentence due to the fact that Tenten had taken out the big pink hammer again and struck him hard on the head, knocking him out too making him land on top of Lee.

"Phew. I thought I was going to die here." said Konohamaru who had stopped vomiting at last with some help from Udon and Shizune. Naruto spoke up again.

"Um… We should be leaving for the Sand you know, but our team leader and one of our teammates are knocked out. So what now?" he asked.

Konohamaru grinned, replying "That's why we're here. We heard from hokage-sama that Jiraiya-sama would be accompanying you on your mission, so we wanted to impersonate him to go on the mission with you boss."

Right on queue, there was another loud puff of smoke. When it cleared, Jiraiya could be seen standing on a real toad and he began his speech.

_Too stupid and long so I didn't type it… Actually I don't know the English version of the speech so I can't really type it…. _

Right after his speech, he dispelled his toad and walked up to Tenten, saying "Hello miss, I would like you to be my model for my next novel because your rack and your ass is very se… (Smack from Naruto)" Jiraiya was pulled away from a blushing Tenten by Naruto. After inspecting the lump on his head with a mirror, he turned to Naruto, stating "So Naruto, I've heard that you have become very popular with the girls (Tenten and Shizune blushed at this), so I have decided to accompany you on your mission to teach you some tricks and skills that will be useful later on."

Sasuke and Neji were jealous of Naruto for having a Sannin for a teacher but Naruto was not happy, replying "What? The last time you told me about teaching skills and tricks it was tying me to a pole and reading out your darn novel. I almost died from blood loss!"

"It's not like you didn't read them afterworlds…Yes I know you read them." He said answering Naruto's dumbfounded look. "Those books are my best creation so no doubt everyone here has read it."

Everybody except Neji and Sasuke blushed furiously, who said in unison "We are pure bloods therefore don't read crappy porn novels."

Then Drako Malfoy came out of nowhere and shouted at the pair of them "You two are NOT pure bloods you filth! Only the Malfoys are the purebloods and are superior to all other humans!"

After the author deleated him from the story Naruto started mumbling about how blondes were being abused by authors ans how he would contact S.H.I.T.

"Since when did you join S.H.I.T.?" said Jiraiya frowning. Naruto grinned.

"One year ago." he replied, surprising everyone. "Remember the time we went to the Sand before we came back Ero-sennin? Jiraiya nodded.

"When you were peeping at the bath house me and Temari were attacked by Itachi. (Sasuke gasped.) And he stuffed us into a small broom cupboard after he took all our money from us (Everyone fell over and Itachi sneezed somewhere far away.). We had to struggle for ten whole minutes before Kankuro finally found us and let us out. Didn't know why he tried to strangle me with his puppets though." he said looking puzzled thinking.

Sakura cleared her throat and said "Still doesn't explain how you joined S.H.I.T." Naruto looked up.

"Oh yeah! Um… after Temari told Kankuro something about we weren't doing something and I told him about Itachi, he let go of me and the next day Temari gave me this form about S.H.I.T. so I joined." he said.

Shizune, who was looking puzzled, asked "But why did Itachi push you and Temari into a broom cupboard and not kill you? Isn't he after you or something?" Everybody apart from Jiraiya looked shocked and stared at Naruto thinking why an S-ranked criminal would be after the idiotic blonde.

Naruto looked even more puzzled than possible. "That's what's bothering me, he could have killed me or kidnapped me but instead he stuffed me and Temari into the broom cupboard shouting about April fool or something (everyone sweat dropped). It was very cramped inside and Temari and I were squashed together, and then her towel slid off and…"

"What towel?" asked the group immediately.

"Oh yeah. We were at the hot springs and had just finished bathing and were in the changing rooms when Itachi attacked us. Um… where was I… Oh yeah, so her towel slid off…" Jiraiya and Neji drooled.

"…and I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see her (Jiraiya and Neji slapped their foreheads hard) but that made me couldn't get us out of there. Then Temari saw a yellow mouse behind her and pushed herself into me even more …" he blushed at the memory of her chest pushing hard against his as she tried to get away from the strange mouse.

"…trying to get away from the mouse and then I opened my eyes and saw the mouse turn into sand or something and then Kankuro opened the door and we fell out and then I was chased around by his puppets until Temari covered herself up and said it was a misunderstanding." he finished still thinking about Temari's soft creamy skin.

The others thought about what he said for a moment and then Shizune voiced a question that was in everyone's (apart from Sasuke) dirty part of the mind.

"Why were you in the same changing room as Temari?" she asked thinking about the possibilities. Naruto blushed again.

"Well the bathhouses in the sand are very expensive so I asked Gaara to let me use the private hot springs at his place."

"There was one? Why didn't I get to go in?" asked Jiraiya scowling.

"Well only Temari uses it so he told me to ask her instead so I went to her and she said it was ok. And you can't go in or you'll peek on Temari." said Naruto.

"Like you did, you mean." accused Jiraiya (Everybody looked wide-eyed at Naruto). Naruto coughed trying to hide his blush and continued.

"So we used the hot springs together and talked about things." everyone stared at him, but he continued calmly.

"I kept by back to her though, so I didn't see her." he said thinking about why she would let him bathe with her in the first place. (Oh my GOD! Naruto is actually THINKING that much, what next? Sasuke's gay or something? Wait… I think I have an idea… Grins evilly)

Everyone in the group was also thinking about the same question. Jiraiya grinned, saying "You must be a special kind of magnet Naruto, maybe even Temari seems to like you now. My my my… the list sure is getting longer and longer."

"What list?" said everybody while far away a blonde girl with her hair tied in four ponytails sneezed, spraying her drawing with spit.

Sunagakure

"Nooo!!! My Naruto drawing is ruined!!!" Shouted Temari trying hopelessly to clean her picture, But hurriedly hid it when Gaara walked in.

"Are you ok?" asked Gaara who had sat behind his desk next to his sister. Temari nodded. "Yeah I'm ok." she replied.

"So why did you call me here earlier today, I'm supposed to go and meet the guys coming here, and I want to see Na…" She covered her mouth blushing at the fact that she let slipped that little detail.

Gaara smirked, not that I-will-kill-you-now look, but one that is an amused one (at least close to it). "Naruto is still at the Leaf." he said, making Temari shout "WHAT? Does that mean I stood out in the sun for 13 hours for NOTHING?"

"Yep. Konoha sent a strange bird with a message saying they are still arguing about something at the north gate."

"I'm going to kill him when he arrives!" she said clenching her fists in fury.

"No you can't or you won't be able to have his kids in the future."

Temari, who was still mumbling about the ten-thousand painful ways to kill Naruto, looked up, saying "What did you say?"

"I said no you can't kill Naruto or you won't be able to have his kids in the future."

Temari blushed pink, saying "Why would I want to have Naruto's kids in the first place?"

Gaara took out a simple recorder. He pressed the play button and Temari's voice rang out. "Zz…Naruto…zz...want… (Snore) Naruto… babies." the mumbling went on and on for about ten minutes before it stopped. By then Temari was as red as a tomato. "W-wh-when d-did you r-record that?" she stuttered like Hinata did when she was talking to Naruto.

"I don't sleep so I needed something to do. You were mumbling something about Naruto so I recorded it. I even recorded what happened on the day I fooled you and Naruto in Itachi's form." Temari looked shocked.

"You mean it was YOU who attacked us while we were changing and stuffed us into that broom cupboard?"

"Yes. I even provided a mouse to give you a nice excuse to get more skin on skin contact with Naruto." he said calmly. That made Temari want to stick her head in the fridge to cool her face down.

"Here's a fridge." said Gaara pulling a full-sized fridge from out of his gourd. Temari immediately stuck her head inside the upper layer of the fridge and piled lots of ice around her.

After a while Temari emerged from the fridge and asked "What else did you record about me?" she said suspiciously. Gaara took out a key and unlocked a safe he took out of his desk drawer.

"Let's see…" he rifled through the mess inside. "There's the one where you were singing about your love of Naruto in the kitchen." he put the tape on his desk. Temari tried to destroy it at once but was blocked by Gaara's sand.

"This one here is the talk you two had in the hot springs." he put it on his desk too.

"This is another one about you and Naruto fighting about who is the better blonde…" he smirked. He rummaged for a while before finding a video tape.

"Ah! This one is a video which recorded every single prank he pulled on you and some of the stuff you two did together, from dusters to chasing you around and fighting over food, you two sure are childish. Everyone thought you were possessed by two four year olds." he put the video and the other tapes back into the safe and took a laptop computer out of his gourd.

"I posted the video on the internet and 69 of the audiences thought you were lovers, 13 thought you were siblings and the rest of the 2334 thought you two were insane."

He watched Temari's look of severe embarrassment as she stared at the scene of Naruto hugging her in broad daylight in the crowded streets when he first saw her when he arrived.

She tore her eyes away from the embarrassing scene on the screen and tried to change the subject.

"So why did you call me here today anyway?" she asked.

"Oh yes." said Gaara. "

The first reason is to embarrass you with those tapes…" Temari's eyes twitched and she wanted to smash the laptop with her fan.

"…And the second is to inform you that you will move to the Leaf with me and Kankuro permanently as ambassadors since I was fired by the council because I burned all my paperwork which needed to be handed in yesterday."

"You did?" said Temari stupidly.Gaara ignored her.

"We leave as soon as Naruto's Team arrives and takes those scrolls of ours. Baki will take over and when we get settled in, I'll help you see if Naruto likes you back." Temari shouted "I DON'T LIKE HIM!"

Gaara nodded. "No, you are obsessed with him and can't sleep without having dreams of him doing "Stuff" to you." Temari blushed, saying "If you ever tell Naruto that, I'll dye your gourd pink permanently."

"I don't need to, because I am going to force Naruto to live with us and he will stay in your room with you."

"WHAT!"

"Like my plan?"

"Yes…Uh I mean NO I don't like it."

"Yeah right…"

Back with Naruto and Co 

"So what now?" asked Naruto who had been talking with the group for 8 hours. They had knocked Gai and Lee out over and over again to stop them from interrupting their arguments.

"We have no choice but to postpone the mission again." said Neji.

"Yeah, so who is going to take Gai and Lee to the hospital?" asked Shizune.

No one answered, Shizune sighed. "Then we have no choice but to leave them here."

"I wonder where's Kakashi sensei." said Naruto out of the blue.

"Who cares, he'll turn up soon. Let's go home and rest." replied Sakura. The others nodded and they all left for some rest.

With Kakashi 

Kakashi was slumped in a corner sadly, thinking about why he didn't get more than 60 words in this chapter, until he heard a voice cry "Kakashi-kun!" and he started to run away as fast as possible, but he was worn out from the day's "events" and was soon dragged to the bedroom by a very energetic Yuki for another session of touture..

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	6. Arrival

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**Chapter 6: Arrival **

At some restaurant

In the early morning the next day, Tenten and Sakura were found eating breakfast together a table while talking about the mission they were going to have later.

"So which villages are we going to pass through in our mission?" asked Sakura taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"Well we will pass though some small villages like the Bean village and the Virgin village before we arrive there. Not much to do so it's gonna be boring." replied Tenten taking a sip of her orange juice.

"Hey, I think Hinata, Kiba and Ino are at the Virgin village with Kurenai-san doing a mission, maybe we can visit them when we get there?"

"Yeah we could, we hardly ever saw them recently so it'll be good th catch up a bit with each other. Ino would be delighted to see Naruto so she can start toturing him again." said Tenten frowning at her last sentence. Sakura noticed this and said

"So what's up with you and Naruto? You seemed to stick to him like glue the moment you saw him at the gate yesterday." Sakura asked. Tenten blushed a bit and took another sip of her drink..

"Nothing, we're just friends, thats all." she replied her face a bright shade of red. Sakura saw this and frowned, saying "I don't get it, Sasuke-kun is MUCH more handsome and smarter than Naruto, why would you like him instead. I thought you liked Neji a while ago too."

Tenten looked at Sakura as if she was mad. "Naruto-kun is WAY cuter than Sasuke-san and he is very nice, which is much better than Sasuke-san. And I never liked Neji that way either! I just treat him like a close friend!!"

"Sasuke is still better than Naruto." said Sakura stubbornly.

"Naruto-kun is better, he even he treated me with ice-cream yesterday, did Sasuke-san treat you to anything before?" said Tenten with a dreamy look on her face at the memory.

"Uh…" said Sakura thinking hard about why Sasuke is better. When nothing came to mind she looked at her watch.

"Oh my god, we're going to be late!" she exclaimed and started chomping on her sandwich. Tenten finished her waffles and drained her cup of orange juice at high speed.

"We better get going or we'll be late Sakura-san." She said also looking at her watch.

"Yeah." Sakura swallowed the rest of her her sandwich and stood up. They paid for their food and set off to the north gate.

At the hot springs

Jiraiya drooled as he cleaned his telescope hurriedly before resuming his "information gathering." He watched as the young women bathed while chatting happily about a hot blonde they saw recently. "Naruto sure is a lucky boy." Jiraiya mumbled as he scribbled on his notebook. He didn't notice the time and was very late for the mission.

Then Naruto appeared next to him saying "Ero-sennin if you don't hurry up we'll leave you behind for the mission."

Jiraiya looked up from his telescope. "Oh Naruto, we're leaving already?" he said lowering his telescope.

"Yes, Sakura-chan and Tenten-chan have arrived. All the others are present too." he said frowning.

Good…good…" said Jiraiya. "Just one more thing, I need your help on my novel Naruto."

"What? No way am I helping you." Naruto shouted.

"Shhh… You'll alert the girls down there." he whispered urgently looking down at the hot springs.

"Like I care, I wasn't the one peeping on them."

"You tell them that then." said Jiraiya grinning with an evil glint in his eye. Then without warning, he grabbed Naruto by the scruff of his neck and threw him into the hot springs, saying "Sorry Naruto, but I prefer girls in action rather than just sitting there, it gives me more inspiration."

Naruto splashed into the hot springs making the girls down there shriek with shock. When Naruto surfaced the water, he closed his eyed and expected to be beaten to a pulp by rampaging women, but after realizing that he was still alive and no one hit him or anything. He opened his eyes slightly to see the girls in the hot springs drooling at him.

"Uh oh." was all Naruto managed before the large group of women launched themselves on him, groping and hissing whatever part of Naruto they managed to get their hands (and mouths) on. This went on for some time before the girls realized they were raping was not the cute blonde who landed in here, but a boy wearing a green spandex suit with thick eyebrows, who was brought here by a replacement jutsu.

The girls screamed and started punching and kicking the mushroom head and he was blasted off at a speed that would put Team Rocket in shame. They then proceeded to vomit all over the place and screeched madly about mushrooms and caturpillers.

At the North Gate

The others were getting impatient. Naruto had been gone to get Jiraiya for ten whole minutes and somehow Lee suddenly disappeared too. They were sick of Gai wailing about how Lee was sucked from the Matrix or something and sick of Neji telling Gai there was no such thing as the Matrix.

They were about to go on a killing spree to relieve their frustration and pressure when Naruto turned up dragging a dazed Jiraiya by his hair. About three seconds later Lee too arrived, falling from the sky like a meteor, crashing to the ground creating a large crater in the ground.

"I survived!" shouted Lee jumping up and down in what remained of his spandex suit.

"Lee!" shouted Gai who started crying when he saw his favorite student back from the Matrix or whatever.

"Gai-sensei! I survived the unyouthful behavior of the girls at the hot springs!" Lee shouted back hugging his sensei.

"What?" said Gai with wide eyes breaking the hug and holding Lee at arms length examining him. He saw the scratching and kissing marks. He gasped.

"Lee! You have been doing unyouthful behavior!" He said in horror. "I must clear your mind of unyouthful things at once! We will run one thousand laps around Konoha and then do one thousand push ups and sit ups! Then we will sit under a waterfall until our minds are cleansed from any unyouthful thoughts!"

"Yes Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted and the pair of weirdoes ran off, completely forgetting about the mission.

"Uh let's just let them go." said Naruto putting his hand on Tenten's shoulder stop her from shouting out at the retreating blurs which were Lee and Gai. Tenten blushed at the contact but nodded.

"Let's go then." said Shizune and the group set off to their first destination, the Bean village.

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Hokage's Office 

Tsunade looked up at the Elite Jounin she managed to muster in haste. In front of her were Asuma, Esibu, Genma and Yamato. She cleared her throat.

"Kakashi managed to send us a message saying he is trapped in a village near the boarder of fire country. You mission is to retrieve him and the cat he was supposed to find, understood?" The four Jounins nodded.

"Kakashi also mensioned that he is trapped with an S&M freak called Yuki and that his book is being held hostage, but I don't give a darn about his lies so just grab him and the cat and leave."

The four nodded again and they dissapeared with a teleport jutsu thingy.

"So troublesome…" said the woman and with a puff turned back into Shikamaru. He crossed out another thing he needed to do on the clip board and looked at the next one. It read "Do all the paper work."

"Why did I get this assignment again…?" Shikamaru said starting on the mountain of paper next to him. Manipulating his shadow so it can do some paperwork too.

"Oink Oink." said Tonton who was sittiong on the desk watching him, which meant "Because you are the only one who is stupid enough to refuse a D-rank mission when you get one. And you just _had_ to tell the ole hag that she should get her work done quickly too."

"Yeah yeah…" replied Shikamaru stamping the paper with a rubber stamp thing. He wanted to escape but a heavy iron ball was tied to his leg with a chain, making it impossible. He sighed and made a note to never refuse a normal crappy mission again.

At the ramen stand, Tsunade was continueing to tease Ayame about Naruto, betting that Naruto would have at least 20 girlfriends by the time he got beck from his mission. Ayame was getting more worried by the second and forgot to ask the Hokage to pay for her meal when she turned to leave.

Back with Naruto and Co.

Naruto and Co. arrived at the Bean village after two hours of traveling. They had fought a lot of bandits on the way but won easily because Jiraiya and Neji were with them. They visited the village leader and received a one of a kind jutsu scroll and some money as thanks for defeating the bandits around them.

They gave the scroll specifically to Naruto because he had saved the leader's daughter's life risking his own. 'Moral Fiber.' they had called it as they gave it to him. The leader's daughter gave Naruto a kiss on the cheek making Naruto blush and making Tenten and Shizune seethe with jealousy and anger. She had also offered to 'serve' Naruto that night but Naruto as dragged off by Tenten and Shizune before he could say "Huh?"

They sat at a restaurant to eat lunch while Naruto read the jutsu scroll eagerly. It read "Mimic" on the top. He opened the scroll carefully because the scroll was very old and fragile. He realized it was written in an ancient text and was thankful that he had learnt how to read it on his trip with Jiraiya. He started reading excitedly.

"This is a transformation Technique that requires enormous chakra. This technique enables the user to duplicate a bloodline of another and reproduce it in the users own body, enabling the user to possess the bloodline too." Naruto grinned and continued to read.

"The jutsu can also cleanse the taint of the blood needed for the bloodline (see below at instructions) while reproducing the bloodline so he or she will not suffer diseases or madness caused by the curses that come from some bloodlines like aggressiveness or uncontrollable bloodlust."

'Cool.' thought Naruto reading the instructions of the jutsu, then his eyes fell on a P.S. in the corner.

"This jutsu can only be used once because the ancient seals on the scroll will disappear the moment this jutsu is finished."

"Darn." said Naruto under his breath but was still very happy that he had such a cool scroll.

He rolled up the scroll carefully and hid it thinking that he will decide what bloodline he would like to have later.

The group finished lunch quickly and set off to Virgin village, but they were attacked by bandits again and it took them thirty minutes to round them up. They soon arrived at the village and Jiraiya, Neji and Sasuke set off to report to the village leader while the others went to find Ino, Hinata and Kurenai.

They found Kurenai, Hinata and Ino at a bar working as… waiters? Luckily their assignment only lasted until three o'clock so their mission was completed about five minutes later. They went to the hot springs to relax and talk.

The girls tried to persuade Naruto to join them in the girls section but the male blonde, to their disappointment (except Sakura who was quite shocked at her friends's sudden behavior) Naruto politely declined. He went to the males section to find it empty. He changed into a towel and slid into the water, sitting near a large rock relaxing.

But unknown to him Tenten, Shizune, Ino, Hinata and even Kurenai were poking holes through the wooden fence with kunai trying to get a good look at Naruto. Ino got the right place and squealed as she saw Naruto with his eyes closed half naked.

The other girls minus Sakura immediately shoved Ino away and fought over the hole. They scratched, bit, slapped, pinched just to get a good look through the hole, completely forgetting the fact that they were ninjas.

Naruto heard the noise and opened his eyes. He heard shouts of "Let me see!" And "I'll kill you for that." and started hearing miner explosions in the girls section of the hot springs.

Thinking that they were being attacked, he quickly got up and hurriedly jumped over the fence to stop the attackers. But when he landed, what he saw were Ino, Shizune, Hinata, Tenten and Kurenai fighting for something, they were biting, scratching and all that other stuff girls do when they were mad.

"Hey stop girls." Naruto shouted and used Kage-bushin no-jutsu (the Shadow-Clone technique) to create five replicas of himself to try to stop them from fighting. He succeeded after five minutes and each of his shadow clones had a girl in his arms, separating them.

They had calmed down a bit and had realized Naruto was now in the girls section too. Agreement formed unspokenly between the girls and they suddenly broke free of the shadow clones and launched themselves at Naruto, trying to get at him. Shocked, Naruto tried to escape but his towel chose that time to slide off his waist, revealing his…private part.

That seemed to work in Naruto's favor though since all the girls (Including Sakura) stared at it, drooling uncontrollably, then all of them fell unconscious with enormous nosebleeds.

He carefully clothed them (blushing at the necessary skin contact and the sight he was seeing) and carried them to the place Jiraiya told them to meet with his bushins. After setting them down against trees Naruto dispelled his clones and sat down on a rock, thinking about what bloodline he would like to copy. (He just experienced a sight of six sexy women with their towels hanging off them and just brushes it off like dust.)

Jiraiya and Sasuke arrived a few minutes later and Naruto told them the story. Though Sasuke didn't believe it Jiraiya grinned evilly. He took out a bottle of shampoo and handed it to Naruto.

"This is a special kind of shampoo that wards off girls and enhances your chakra at the same time, two in one. Use it everyday for a week and the effects will be superb." he said grinning broadly. Naruto looked excited. "That means if I use it for a week, its one step closer to becoming Hokage!" he said happily grabbing the bottle and putting into his bag.

"This boy is too easy to read." thought Jiraiya smiling. He looked up at the sun and said "It's getting late so we'd better get moving."

He walked up to the girls and shouted loudly "Competition! Whoever can catch Naruto before he arrives at the Sand will be granted a room with him during our short stay at the Sand!" He shouted magnifying his voice with a mega phone he grabbed out of nowhere.

Tenten, Hinata, Ino, Kurenai and Shizune shot up at once and tried to grab Naruto at once, but Naruto had ran off as soon as he heard his name knowing it wasn't going to be good.

Neji, Sasuke and Sakura watched as Naruto zoomed off at a very high speed with five girls chasing after him.

"Looks like we'll have three more people joining our mission." said Jiraiya cheerfully before summoning a large toad to travel on. Sasuke, Neji and Sakura hopped on and they bounced off after Naruto and the others.

Sunagakure

Naruto panted as he walked into the village swaying on his feet. He had barely escaped the wrath of the girls and used a lot of chakra to boost his speed. He stumbled and fell, too weak to move he braced himself for an unpleasant landing in the sand but something caught him.

Naruto caught a familiar scent and saw a girl with blonde hair before passing out in her arms.

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	7. Gaara's First Joke

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Chapter 7: Gaara's First Joke

At the entrance of Suna

Temari caught Naruto in her arms before he fell to the ground. When she first saw him dash into the village her first thought was to beat the crap out of him, but then she saw how terrified and tired he looked, so she decided to let him be for now. She saw the relief on his face before he lost consciousness and was happy at the fact that he felt comfortable around her.

She completely forgot about the fact that there was supposed to be a GROUP of people coming and was about to leave when a total of five girls skidded into view.

"Give Naruto-kun to me now!" they all said in unison. Then, glaring at each other, shouted "He's mine!" or "Leave him alone!" and similar comments at each other. Soon the swearing and shouting turned into punches and kicks, biting and scratching.

Temari, who was shocked at their behavior, said "What the hell is all this about?" to Neji, Sasuke and Sakura who had just arrived on a large toad with Jiraiya. Jiraiya grinned mischievously.

"Well you see, I set up a contest that who ever could catch Naruto before he reaches the village will get to share a room with Naruto during our short stay." he said looking at Hinata, who was pulling Ino's hair in an un-Hinata-ish way.

"What?" said Temari confused, tightening her hold on Naruto like he was her firstborn son.

"Yep." said Jiraiya happily. "But since he ran so hard, no one caught him so he'll have to stay with all of them at once. While Temari was still trying to absorb the information, Sasuke was watching the five girls's half assed fighting with distaste and smirked when Neji received a punch in the face from Hinata when he tried to pry her off Ino.

Many villagers (which were mostly males.) had come to watch the fighting and soon were cheering them on, wanting to see clothes ripped off. Then suddenly the sand under the girl's feet rose up and trapped the five girls easily, pulling them apart.

"What's going on?" said Gaara tonelessly appearing next to Sasuke from who knows where. Sasuke jumped and almost fell on his butt, but caught himself just in time because he was too _cool _to do so.. He hadn't forgotten how easily Gaara had beaten the shit out of him the last time they met. Gaara looked at Temari who had Naruto in her arms.

"Ah, so you snagged Naruto already. Good, since we leave tomorrow and we have four extra …guests… Naruto will stay in your room while the rest cram into the room that I prepared for the two green weirdoes that didn't turn up." he said or rather commanded in that same toneless voice.

"What!" cried the girls who were trapped in the sand. "No fair! Me want to be a room with Naruto-kun!" shouted Tenten who was struggling trying to get out of the sand.

Temari couldn't resist. She SO wanted to annoy them and since they were currently trapped in sand, they can't do a thing to stop her. She smirked and started to cuddle Naruto like he was a teddy bear, which were making the girls extremely jealous. Then they gasped as she planted a kiss on his cheek, and then slowly proceeded to kiss him on the lips when Naruto woke up.

"Hi, Temari." he mumbled oblivious to the fact that Temari's face was just a few inches away from his. Temari jumped and lost her balance. She fell backwards, and since Naruto was being held by her, he fell too. Temari managed to flip Naruto so he would hit the ground (or rather sand) first and she landed on top of him.

"Ouch! Why did I land in the sand first?" mumbled Naruto annoyed as he tried to sit up but found that he couldn't move because Temari was on top of him. Temari sniggered and held on tightly, not letting Naruto get off.

"Get off me Temari your heavy!" said Naruto but he regretted it at once when he saw that Temari's eyes had suddenly turned fiery fed and she started clenching her fists dangerously.

"Are you calling me fat?" asked Temari in a VERY threatening voice. Naruto gulped.

"Uh... of course not! You're not heavy at all! It's just that you are on top of me and I need to get up." he managed to stutter out the words. Temari's fury seemed to vanish in an instant and she got off Naruto, pulling him up too by his arm.

"Thanks!" said Naruto and he stretched, but since he was so drained from all the running in the hot desert, he lost his balance easily and fell into Temari who caught him and held onto him tightly saying "You okay?" in a worried tone.

"Yeah I feel like a bowl of ramen!" he said stupidly still in Temari's arms. Temari giggled at his stupid comment and helped him stand again, But Naruto lost balance again and Temari had to catch him again (Not that she minded getting to hold Naruto in her arms).

Sighing, she said "Seems that you're drained of chakra. You must have been running very hard away from those girls." while ruffling his hair which was one of the many things she liked to do to Naruto.

"Yeah…" mumbled Naruto unaware of what the soft pillow he was resting his face against was as he fell asleep, breathing in Temari's sweet scent. Gaara was a bit impatient because the girls looked very furious and his sand prison and was already cracking while Temari was having fun with Naruto's hair.

"Okay, let's get to your rooms. Temari, drag Naruto to your room and try not to rape him before dinner." he said hastily and he walked off towards the Kazekage's tower, lifting the five furious girls into the air in front of him.

Temari motioned to Jiraiya and the others to follow and she hoisted Naruto onto an armored toad Jiraiya summoned and they set off, with Neji rubbing his red nose and the frog complaining about dehydration.

About ten minutes of walking later, they arrived at their resting place and Temari dragged Naruto into her room, murmuring "Looks like we'll have to share a bed" loud enough for the five trapped girls to hear before closing the door smirking.

Gaara hastily threw the five furious girls into their rooms and blocked the doors with sand before they can damage anything outside. "Dinners at seven in the room through that door." he said pointing at a big green door before disappearing to watch some TV. Sasuke just stood there looking bored while Jiraiya chuckled evilly as he knocked on Temari's door.

"Yes?" said Temari opening the door. Jiraiya saw that Naruto was dumped on the floor next to a futon which was purple with lots of green froggies.

"Naruto's pack is here and remind him to take a shower when he wakes up." said Jiraiya handing her an orange backpack. "Anyway play safe." he said putting a small black box on top of the bag before disappearing with a poof sound and some smoke.

Temari looked at the black box curiously and closed the door leaving Sasuke, Neji and Sakura (the ones who have a bit of sanity left in their head) alone again.

"Well let's get to our rooms and get some rest." said Sasuke and the other two nodded and went to their rooms. Sasuke picked up his bag, and walked past Temari's room to get to his own. He heard some weird ripping noises and Naruto's moans of "more…" and "don't stop…"

He quickly opened the door of his own room and went inside, bolting the door shut blocking Naruto's moans.

"Stupid dope dreaming again…" muttered Sasuke putting his bag in a corner. 'But why is there ripping noises…he can't be doing 'it' with Temari can he? ...Na…he's too dumb to even know what it is called. He smirked remembering something that happened a few weeks ago at a mission.

_Flashback_

_They were at their usual meeting place waiting for Kakashi to arrive._

"_Sasuke-kun what's it like to have sex?" asked Sakura trying to sound as tempting as possible. Sasuke looked at her bored._

"_Even though I went to Orochimaru and spent a lot of time there, I haven't been forced to breed the Sharingan for him nor had sex with any other people so I don't know." he answered dully._

"_Do want to find out sometime? I' m really curious how it feels like and want to try 'it'." she said lustfully._

"_No." said Sasuke flatly looking away._

"_Hey, I can have sex with you if you want, Sakura-chan. I tried it before and it is really fun. I can let you ride me all day long!" he said happily before being punched into air by Sakura who shouted "PERVERT!"_

_Naruto landed with a small crash a few meters from Sasuke, who was gaping at Naruto for being so bold. He had thought Naruto didn't even know what having sex meant._

"_What was that about!" said Naruto rubbing his sore cheek. "It's not like its bad or anything. I do it all the time with small kids when I was traveling with Ero-sennin." Sasuke and Sakura were wide-eyed and looked positively horrified at what their stupid teammate had just said._

"_Y-y-you d-did THAT to s-s-mall KIDS?" Sakura exclaimed backing off slightly._

"_Yep! I have lots of experience and can prevent you from sliding off while riding Me." he said in a saintly voice very proudly. Then there was a loud puff of smoke that announced their teacher's arrival._

"_Yo!" said Kakashi as he appeared before Sasuke and Sakura. He then saw the looks of utter horror on their faces as they stared at Naruto who was caressing his cheek._

"_What's up? Did Naruto do something stupid again?" he said putting away his precious Icha Icha Paradise (Which is an EXTREMELY rare sight.)._

_Seeing that Sakura couldn't seem to speak, he motioned to Sasuke to be the one to tell him. But even his voice shook slightly as he tried to remain calm._

"_Well Sakura asked me if I'd like to have sex with her…" he was cut off by Kakashi who said "and you accepted but just when you pinned Sakura against a pine tree in the beach and started ripping her clothes off." Sasuke tried to interrupt but Kakashi ripped out his book again and opened it, continuing _

"_But then Naruto saw you and shoved a kunai with a wrapped explosive note up your behind and blew you up because he was jealous. Just like in the book." he finished, before receiving a whack from Sasuke (Sakura was still standing there looking dumbstruck at Naruto.)._

"_There are no beaches around here and I REFUSED to do 'it' with her." said Sasuke loudly before continuing his explanation. "After I said no to Sakura Naruto offered to do 'it' with her…" he was interrupted by Kakashi again who said "He did what?" with wide eyes._

"_That's not all…" said Sasuke shuddering. "He said he had done it a lot of times BEFORE with small KIDS, and…" Sasuke didn't get to say another word because Kakashi had zipped off pinned Naruto to a tree and tied him up._

"_Is it true that you had sex with smaller kids?" he asked Naruto seriously. Naruto nodded, asking "Why did you tie me up sensei? Did I do something wrong." his eyes widened in horror. "You found out that it was me who switched all your music CDs with CDs of Lee singing!"_

"_You did?" said Kakashi questioningly. "But my CDs sounded fine and were normal." Naruto thought for a moment. "Oh…" he said. "No wonder my CDs sounded like Lee singing… I must have changed them with my CDs by mistake."_

_Kakashi sweat dropped, but decided not to comment on that matter, continuing instead on the current problem. "Naruto, you know that you are under age and shouldn't have sex, especially with kids who don't know what there doing."_

_Naruto looked confused. "Why is having sex not good for underage people like me? It's really fun and I hear that the more you are like a horse, the better people enjoy it."_

_Kakashi looked a bit shocked at the information, but continued "Even so, a 15 year old boy shouldn't do this just yet, you could get AIDS and infect the people you have sex with it too. You might be big but still…" _

_Naruto interrupted him. "I'm already very big and can do it smoothly. Here, let me show you." He cut himself from the tree with a kunai and prepared to do whatever he is doing. Sakura snapped to her senses and clapped her hands over her eyes and backed off a bit, but Naruto said "I'll need you to help Sakura-chan." and ran over. _

_Sakura cried "No!" but Naruto leapt on her, pinning her to the ground. Kakashi was about to intervene when Naruto started forming hand seals._

"_Henge-no-jutsu!" he shouted and turned into a…_

"_Horse?" said Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi together. The horse was red and was indeed, very big. "Sakura-chan, get on and I'll show you." said Naruto, which was the horse._

_She got on and Naruto started trotting around with Sakura on his back. A few minutes later Naruto was back in human form again and he was looking smugly at the others. "See? I could turn into a big horse and Sakura-chan didn't fall once. She could ride me all day and it will still be the same._

_The others stared at him for a moment, before Kakashi said uncertainly "Naruto, do you know what have sex means?"_

_Naruto looked at him shocked. "Of course I do! Who wouldn't know what having sex is, people talk about it all the time!" he said looking at Kakashi as if he was mad. "Then why did you show…" Naruto talked over him "It means riding a horse of course! They think that saying 'riding a horse" is too troublesome so they call it 'having sex'!"_

_Looks of understanding dawned upon Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke's faces. Naruto wasn't an under-aged-kid-fucking-sex-loving-maniac-with-blond-hair, he was a complete dumb ass who doesn't know one bit about how he sounded like a complete psycho when he talked about "having sex" without knowing what he was talking about._

"_Naruto…" said Kakashi slowly._

"_Yes, sensei?" said Naruto._

"_You need… 'The Talk'...right now, and your teammates are helping me explain this too." he said seriously._

"_What's that?" asked Naruto and Sasuke fell over while Sakura blushed a deep shade of red._

"_Shouldn't someone else tell him about that?" Sakura asked nervously "Like his pa…" then she remembered that Naruto had no parents, and stopped at once because she saw a flicker of sadness in Naruto's eyes at the reminder that he had no one he could call Mother or Father._

"_We are his teammates and have a responsibility to teach each other things, so Naruto would understand them as well as us." said Kakashi seriously._

_So that afternoon the mission was cancelled and Team 7 dragged Naruto to a private place to give him "The Talk"._

_End Flashback_

Sasuke smirked again at the memory of the incident, Naruto was blushing red by the end of it and was extremely shocked at the fact of what "having sex" was. Sasuke took out some fresh clothes and set off to the Bathhouse to take a bath.

Inside Temari's room

Temari was busy ripping off the strangely cloth-like three layered wrapper off the black box Jiraiya gave her when she heard Naruto moaning. She walked over to him and sat down, looking at his face curiously and noticing how he was drooling slightly.

She blushed a deep shade of red when she caught words like "…want…more" and "…don't…stop…it..." giving her mental images of Naruto under her, begging her to… She shook the thought out of her mind.

She leaned closer, curious at what he was doing in his dream, though she thought she had a pretty good idea of what he was doing in his dream, and wanted to know who he was dreaming of.

Hoping that she was the one he was dreaming of, her heart sank when she heard the name "Ayame…" and tears formed in her eyes. She was about to wake him up forcibly and confess her love to him when she heard him mumble "…ramen…make...more…ramen…don't…stop…want…more…ramen…"

She smiled and whipped the tears out of her eyes, thinking why she got so emotional where Naruto was concerned.

She then remembered about the small black box and took out a kunai. She cut off the wrapping, and looked at the cover. It read "Condoms for the energetic, extra durable and comes in different flavors." Temari blushed again and stuffed the black box out of sight.

She looked over at Naruto and saw him stirring. "Awake yet you sleepy head?" she said giggling slightly as Naruto sat up, looking at her with unfocussed eyes. Then, without warning "TEMARI!" he shouted happily and flung his arms around Temari's waist pulling her into a tight hug, making the said girl blush deeper than before.

"Good to see you Temari! I missed you so much!" he said happily showing no signs of wanting to let go of her. Temari didn't mind though, she liked his hugs, they made her feel warm (and aroused) inside…did she even have to mention that Naruto was very cuddly too? She breathed in the smell of his hair, noticing that there was a strange but nice smell, it was very nice and she tightened her arms around him, getting a weird feeling.

Then she remembered what Jiraiya said. Reluctantly, she broke the hug and said "Naruto, Jiraiya told you to take a shower when you wake up."

Naruto nodded, and was about to ask something, but Temari answered before he even asked. "Yes, you can. And I'm coming with you too because there is lot's of catching up to do."

Naruto nodded and they grabbed some fresh clothes, Naruto grabbed Jiraiya's 'special shampoo' and set off to the private hot springs. "Gaara just got fired by the council but Baki let me have the hot springs to myself anyway, so consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to go to the bathhouses with that pervert." said Temari.

"WHAT? Gaara got FIRED!" said Naruto in disbelief. "Yep, but were going to stay at Konoha so I'll get to see you more often, so that's not too bad is it?" replied Temari who realized what she just said and blushed a bit. Naruto wanted to ask why he was fired but stopped at a stern look from Temari.

They arrived at the hot springs and went to the showers. They took a quick shower (separately) and went into the hot springs. Like last time they were back to back and were talking about the stuff that happened since the last time they met.

"This feels so comfortable…" said Naruto lazily leaning against Temari's back blushing a bit at the nice feeling he got. Temari too was enjoying the feeling and was blushing even harder than Naruto because unlike Naruto, she had peeked a few times and saw a good deal of flesh.

Then without warning, Naruto turned her around and pressed her into him, so that they were chest to chest. Temari blushed so red that she looked like a tomato with blonde hair. "Wha?" was all she could say because she was lost in the feeling.

She didn't notice Naruto grab a large towel from the edge of the spring and wrapped it around themselves, saying "Sorry, I'll explain later but we have to get covered up and get out and dress now." she only nodded and they got up (with difficulty because they were wrapped together) and went to the changing rooms.

They dressed quickly and then Temari asked "Why did you…you know?" shyly still very red. Naruto, who was equally red, said "I sensed one of Ero-sennin's tracking toads nearby and it was communicating to Ero-sennin.

We had to get out quickly because Ero-sennin was approaching a high speed and I didn't have time to warn you. Sorry that I peeked." Temari felt even more embarrassed.

"It's all right… I sort of peeked too…" she mumbled playing with her fingers looking at the floor. "Liked what you saw because I certainly did." said Naruto nervously.

Temari was so red that she looked like she was going to explode and shouted "You little perv!" and leapt at him, pinning him to the floor shaking him up and down.

Laughing, Naruto pulled Temari down on top of him and hugged her again, saying "There's the Temari I know, I think I like normal Temari better, don't you?" while grinning like an idiot.

Temari smiled and hugged him back, still on the floor until someone said "Aww… how lovely…" in a sarcastic voice. They looked up and saw Gaara standing in the doorway. He spoke again.

"Dinner started twenty minutes ago and because you two were late I accidentally told the other girls that you two were alone in the private hot springs bathing together.Hnn... I wonder how that sounded..." Naruto and Temari both blushed red again and quickly got off each other and followed Gaara to the …uh…where ever they are eating.

As soon as Naruto stepped through the green door, he was almost sent flying backwards out of it as Kankuro sent his duo puppets flying at him. "What was that for?" shouted Naruto who had hidden behind Temari who was still a bit red from the incident."

"Is it true that you dragged Temari into the hot springs and did 'it' there?" he said venomously, trapping naruto between his two puppets. Naruto and Temari blushed fiery red and looked quickly at Gaara, who looked emotionless as always.

"Yes, I saw them with my own eyes." he said dully, but when Kankuro made to summon his giant puppets to squash Naruto, quickly added "I was joking." in that same emotionless voice.

There was silence. Kankuro dropped the scrolls he was holding while Temari just stared with her mouth open.

"You joked." said Naruto in disbelief after a while.

"So?" was Gaara's reply.

Finally realizing what their little brother had just done Temari and Kankuro gasped in unisen, and quickly ran off somewhere. The others had barely begun to exchange confused glances when they came back holding bottles of sake.

"Hurray! Let's celebrate Gaara's first joke!" they shouted putting the bottles on the table and putting on party hats. Then they started blowing stuff up with mini explosive tags to create some noise. After seeing everybody else stare at them in awe, Temari coughed and said "Let's just treat this like Haloween. The others nodded and she pulled out some party hats and baloons.

Soon everyone was drinking, eating and talking loudly.

After eating dinner, Kankuro decided to play a game of Truth or dare. The others were all tipsy so they just agreed to stop him shouting loudly at them on purpose to annoy them into submission.

"Ok..." said Kankuro in triumph.

"I'll start things off." said Gaara, surprising everyone.

"Temari, truth or dare?"

"Huh?" said Temari, who was wobbling in her seat. "Um... Dare." she said.

"I dare you to kiss Naruto every time someone chooses truth for the remainder of the game. said Gaara after thinking for a while.

"Wha?" said Temari, looking embarassed and angry at the same time. Naruto was surprised too but couldn't say anything about it because the other girls started shouting "What? No fair!!".

"Then don't choose Truth then." said Jiraiya smugly as he had just figured out Gaara's plan.

The girls huffed in annoyance and Temari turned to Sakura, who was on her right.

"Sakura, Truth of Dare?"

Sakura thought for a moment, before saying "Dare... I don't want to see the other girls ripping each other apart."

"Okay..." said Temari. " I dare ya to...slap Sasuke in the face." she said smirking at the look of horror on Sakura's face and the annoyance on Sasuke's.

"Good one Tem-chan!!" shouted Naruto in glee as he laughed his ass off as he saw Sakura slap Sasuke, who went through the wall because Sakura was too embarassed and used too much power. Sasuke came through the door 3 minutes later with a look that promised payback. He shot a glare at Temari who was too busy blushing at Naruto's nickname for her to notice.

"Uhh... My turn now." said Sakura. "Kurenai-sensei, Truth or Dare?"

Kurenai thought for a moment. If she picked Truth, Temari would kiss Naruto, but Dare would mean something nasty and embarassing. But Truth meant Temari kissing Na...OK Dare it is... But Naruto is affecting me too much... I don't like him that way but I lost control a while ago... What could this mean? I remember Some strange and nice smell, but Naruto doesn't know Genjutsu...Hhmmm...

"Sensei?" said Naruto looking worried. "Are you okay?" he touched her forhead checking her temperature, making the other girls minus Sakura seethe in jealosy.

"Yeah... I choose Truth." said Kurenai regaining some control over herself. She had felt something strange when Naruto touched her, but couldn't pinpoint what it was because the contact had been short. But she couldn't help but feel jealous when Temari reluctently kissed Naruto on the cheek blushing.

"Okay sensei..." Said Sakura who was still a bit worried. "What were you thinking about when you zoned out?"

Everybody looked expectantly at Kurenai as she thought on how to answer.

"I was wondering why I suddenly found myself more attracted to Naruto than normal recently." she said blushing at her own words.

Everybody in the room simply stared with their gaws on the floor when they heard the confession.

"Uh..." said Naruto not knowing what to say or think.

"Okay my turn." said Kurenai quickly and turned to Naruto.

"Naruto, Truth or dare?" Naruto regained his senses.

"Huh? oh um... Da..." he was cut off by Gaara who said "Naruto, Choose dare and you will be killed by my sand." in his calm emotionless voice.

"Wha? No fair, Gaara!!" shouted Naruto, but instantly said "Truth! I choose Truth!!" when sand started approching him.

Kurenai decided to check something out and asked "Are you using any methods to attract more attention of the opposite sex?"

The crowd stared intently at Naruto and waited his answer, especially the girls and Neji, Sasuke didn't give a darn about Naruto's love life but was interested too.

"Of course not!" said Naruto jumping up. "I was scared to death when you guys did what you did!"

Kurenai nodded and motioned for Naruto to sit back down.

"Gaara! Truth or Dare!" said Naruto with a manic grin on his face.

"...Truth. That's two kisses you owe Naruto Temari." said Gaara.

After being kissed on both cheeks and blushing red, Naruto said "Gaara! Why did you get fired?" before being bonked on the head with a pink hammer by a blushing Temari (from kissing Naruto on the cheeks) saying "Shut up idiot!"

"I burned my paperwork and told them that I knew they were gay. And Temari you told him didn't you." said Gaara to the shocked table. "So now, payback." he said calmly.

"Ino, Truth or dare?"

Ino was surprised that she was called, but said "Dare." not wanting to see her cru.. I mean _friend _being kissed by Temari.

"I dare you to make out with Jiraiya..." he was cut off by Ino's scream of "WHAT??!!" and Jiraiya's yell of "OH YEAH!! COME ON BABY!!!"

"Unless Naruto kisses Ino..." he was cut off again this time be Tenten and Temari's shout of "Why Naruto!" and Naruto's own shout of "You shouldn't make Ino kiss just anybody!"

"...on the lips." finished Gaara looking at Ino who was dumbstruck at his dare.

Ino was blushing, hard. She really liked Naruto, having gotten to know him a bit better after the first Sasuke retrieval mission. She had visited him one day and had ended up talking to him for hours and hours. He was a really good listener, and paid attention even to the pointless things she told him about her life even though he was wrapped like a mummy. He even gave her some good advice. She didn't see much of him after he left hostpital but couldn't stop thinking about him ever since. And three years later he came back a handsome guy, successfully upgrading her occasional wet dreams to a whole new level. She never got a boyfriend either because she never paid attention to other guys.

Ino was brought back to earth when she felt warm breath on her face. She saw Naruto's hesident face in front of hers and could hear Jiraiya's shouts about betrayal and the girl's shouts about perverts but ignored them.

Seeing that Naruto was about to pull back to argue more with Gaara, she quickly took her chance and leaned forward, placing her soft lips over his, kissing him tenderly. A shocked silence followed, and Ino pulled back quickly, blushing deeper by the second. "My first kiss..." she thought wildly.

Tenten, Temari, Hinata and Shizune were burning with jealosy, as well as Jiraiya and Kankuro, while Neji, Sasuke and Kurenai just stared dumbly at Naruto who just gaped at Ino's pretty face, blushing red.

"Naruto, you still need to kiss Ino, you know..." stated Gaara. Making The girls yell "What!? Why?"

"I said Naruto kiss Ino, not the other way around," replied Gaara, ignoring the glares of the girls.

Naruto was about to speak when Ino leaned in and kissed him again, this time licking his lips shyly before retreating, her face turning extremely red at her own daring.

"...You know... Naruto _still_ has to kiss Ino you know..." stated Gaara after a minute of silence in the room.

Too stunned to speak, Naruto just leaned towards Ino and kissed her gently on the lips before retreating back into his seat quickly.

"Good..." said Gaara, either not noticing the weird atmosphere or completely ignoring it. "Ino, your turn..."

Ino didn't respond, staring at Naruto with misted eyes. Naruto, red in the face and was staring back at Ino, an embarassed silence filling between them while the others just watched shocked.

Thinking that they would be better off unconsious, Gaara took out the pink hammer and knocked both of the blondes out. The silent spell seemed to break and Tenten managed to say "What the hell was that about?"

The others nodded and JIraiya said "The start of a wonderful love story full of fluff and romantic poems! ...What the hell? I actually said that!? Let me correct my mistake. It is the start of a wonderful relationship of S&..." Gaara chucked the pink hammer at him and knocked him out.

Since Naruto was out cold on top of Ino, who showed no signs of being able to take her turn, the others decided to stop playing the game and get drunk to try to forget about this incident. Sasuke mumbled something about payback next time before starting downing bottles of sake. Soon everyone apart from Gaara were asleep with bottles of sake around them.

Gaara stood up and looked around, making sure they were all asleep. After double checking, he retrieved four video cameras from different angles of the rooms. Smirking, he swiched one on.

He watched in amusement as a woken and now drunk Jiraiya argued with an equally drunk Sasuke about woman while a sloppy Sakura hung on to Sasuke's every word, taking notes on a piece of crumpled paper with a chopstick, though no one would recognize what the scribbling meant anyway because after a while Sakura knocked over some sake on the sheet and ruined the marks on it.

Tenten and Shizune were drunkenly singing a song about ice-cream while Hinata was comforting a sobbing Neji, who apparently was letting his heart out. He was slurring out stuff like "Sseee (sob) ssheee lipes L-larutooo (sob) aannd d-doesssnt (sob) lipe weee emymoreeeee!" he burst into loud tears again and buried his face in his arms, Hinata trying to comfort him even though she didn't understand a thing he said.

Gaara switched off the video camera and put them away. After a while, Naruto stirred and sat up clumsily.

Naruto looked at Gaara, who was drinking some water and asked "Hey Gaara, you know where I am sleeping?" Gaara nodded and said "You are staying in Temari's room because she said she wanted to catch up with some things.

"Ok, might as well take her back too." said Naruto and he dragged Temari gently back to her room. He laid her in her futon and was about to sleep against the wall when Temari (in her sleep) grabbed on to Naruto and pulled him down next to her.

Naruto tried to pry Temari off him but failed. Sighing in defeat, he lay down next to her (not on the futon but next to It.) and closed his eyes. A few minutes later he thought he felt Temari get up but slept on, not knowing that Temari had snuggled up next to him and had her arm around him, pulling him closer to her, breathing in large amounts of the scent coming from Naruto.

Naruto slept peacefully but Kyuubi was sniggering behind the cage bars.

Inside Naruto's mind

"**Looks like its working. A small boost makes five girls lose control and chase him here. Animal magnetism is a strong force indeed, this is going to be fun later on. I wonder if I should drop this big demon façade… scaring the shit out of him every time he pisses me off is getting boring now he is fifteen. Yeah…maybe when he next visits me I'll tell him I'm a she…"**

**Kyuubi closed her eyes for a moment and the image of a large red fox dissapeared. A naked girl with long red hair and nine tales coming out of her back lay in the cage instead.**

"**Maybe I'll tell him that I'm perverted as well…" the female/demon/whatever you want to call her created a bed with her thoughts and laid down in it, happy to be in someone's mind for once because you can get what ever you want just by imagining it.**

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Read and review... 


	8. Nurses and Glasses

Read and Review... (Sorry, the Internet was cut off when I uploaded the chapter last night so I think it didn't upload properly.)

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In Temari's room

Temari was currently having very a nice dream, filled with lots and lots of Naruto and herself alone together.

_They were having lots of fun together, doing all sorts of typical romance activities. Then suddenly Naruto suddenly pinned her against the apple tree they were drawing pictures themselves on earlier._

"_I want you…" whispered Naruto in her ear seductively as he slipped his hand under the light blue skirt she was wearing. _

"_P-please, I want m-more…" Temari moaned out and gasped at the sensation she felt when he complied. She started ripping Naruto's clothes off and was about to remove his shirt when she felt something tugging at her hair._

_Turning her head, the background suddenly switched to a dark angesty street. She saw Naruto walking down it, arms wrapped around two girl's waists while a few more trailed behind and next to him._

_She tried to call out at him to come back, but got no response. She started dashing in his direction, but then something tugged at her hair again, and she turned around again and saw to her horror, Naruto being tied up to a wooden cross by Kankuro, who was armed with loads of spears and was laughing like a maniac. _

Now if Temari paid attention, she would have noticed the creepy background music and the countless stakes and skeletons all over the place, but something tugged on her hair again, and she turned around, and suddenly woke up…

… to see Naruto sucking cutely on a stray strand of her blonde hair in his sleep.

Temari smiled and blushed at the same time at seeing his adorable face this close. Naruto looked so peaceful, laying next to her while his body moved gently as he breathed in and out repeatedly.

She shifted her body and noted that she was a bit wet somewhere below the waist, obviously a product her dream. Feeling the need to go to the shower, she started to think of a way to wake Naruto up and make him join her.

But before she could get a decent idea, Naruto moaned and turned over in his sleep, letting go of the strand of stray hair in his mouth. Temari was about to get up and go have a nice long shower when she saw a blinking red light in the corner of her eye.

She looked at it and saw a camera video was perched on a small stool in front of her and Naruto in an angle that would record all movements of both of them from head to toe.

After a full minute if staring at it dumbly, realization hit Temari. And everyone in the facility was woken with a furious yell of

"GAARA!!!!"

Temari immediately launched herself at the offending electronic device and grabbed it, ignoring a sleepy Naruto who had woken up form her yell and asked "Whazz up?"

Naruto watched in confusion as his fellow blonde started pounding a video camera to the ground with her fist, her face red with fury and …embarrassment? Naruto was quite good at reading expressions, but recently everybody seemed to act strangely which confused him greatly.

He heard quick footsteps approaching and turned in time to see Kankuro burst through the door. Naruto opened his mouth to say 'Good morning' but was suddenly grabbed by the puppet user and was pulled up by the front of his shirt.

"What did you do to my sis?" snarled Kankuro menacingly at a confused and shocked Naruto. He turned to Temari and said

"You could have called me instead, my room is much closer to yours than Gaara's." before turning back to a now fully woken Naruto who shouted

"I didn't do anything to her you friggen idiot! For god's sake, can't you see that she's pounding a video camera and not me?"

Blinking, Kankuro turned back to Temari who was indeed, still pounding the video camera to dust. But somehow turned even more furious and started shacking Naruto back and forth.

"You bastard! You even taped it as you violated her!! I'm going to skin you alive, feed your brain to dogs and then nail the rest of you at the village gates!!!" he roared and was about to proceed with his plan when Gaara walked in calmly, saying "Kankuro, let him go."

Kankuro glared at Naruto for a few seconds, before letting go of him reluctantly. Gaara looked at Temari, who was _still _destroying the video camera. "Temari, that camera has no memory card in it."

Temari looked up surprised, wondering when her siblings had come in. "You mean the thing didn't film me or anything?" she asked flushing red.

"No, it didn't." said Gaara, and Temari sighed in relief. Gaara smirked and pointed at her table. "But that one did." he said, making Temari snap her head to that direction. Sure enough, another video camera was sitting innocently on the table, a red light blinking in a regular pattern, meaning…

Temari gasped in horror, face turning bright red. "Nooooo!!" she cried and launched herself at the camera, but her hand grasped thin air when some sand lifted the camera off the table and floated to Gaara, who took it and said "See you on YouTube." before vanishing with his sand to a private room to upload all the new stuff he had just gotten.

Kankuro left the room shortly afterwards, muttering something about keeping an eye on Naruto and closing the door while Naruto stared dumbly at Temari, not understanding what had just happened. "Temari?" he said uncertainly as Temari just sat there, staring straight ahead

When he got no answer, he walked over to her and grabbed her by the arms, shaking her gently. "You okay?" he asked, seeing Temari flop down on her chair and stare at the door. When he received no answer a second time, he thought of what to do. He remembered Gaara saying something about YouTube, but he didn't know what it was.

"Maybe I'll go check what YouTube is…" muttered Naruto as he turned to leave the room. But the words "YouTube" had caught Temari's ears and she immediately sprang onto Naruto, pinning him to the floor.

"Wha? What are you…"

"If you ever go on YouTube, I'll personally destroy every ramen stand in the whole fire country." said Temari threateningly.

But then she realized what position they were in and squeaked, jumping off him at once and blushing furiously.

Naruto sat back up, worry evident on his face.

"Are you feeling alright Temari? One second you're as aggressive as Sakura-chan, the next you're like Hinata. Did someone put something funky in your system?"

Temari blushed, and muttered "I'm okay, and nobody put something funky into my system." 'Wish you would though…' she thought, and her blush deepened.

Naruto noticed this and said "Your red, Temari, do you have a fever or something? Lemme check for you."

Leaning over, he brushed some locks of hair from Temari's face and placed his forehead against hers, something he saw nurses do in those crappy TV shows he saw once at Kiba's place.

Temari's heart literally skipped a beat when she felt Naruto's forehead touch hers and she almost fainted of shock. She didn't know if she should feel relieved or disappointed when Naruto pulled away, saying

"Your temperature seems normal, but you should take a shower and brush your teeth cause you smell like sake."

Nodding stupidly, Temari let herself be pulled up and pushed through the door to the bathroom connected to her room, Naruto closing the door behind her. She walked over to the shower and stripped, dumping the dirty clothing all over the place.

Walking into her shower, she switched on the water and sighed in pleasure when hot water rained down upon her.

Removing her hair ties, she washed her hair and finished her shower after about fifteen minutes. She walked to the sink and grabbed her toothbrush, brushing her teeth.

Feeling refreshed, and completely forgetting that Naruto was in her room, Temari opened her bathroom door and walked back into her room wearing nothing.

"Finally! You took ag…" Naruto stopped mid-sentence when he saw that Temari was completely naked, his mouth hung open in shock,

Temari just stood there, realizing that she was standing fully naked in front of Naruto, who was staring at her in shock. After half a minute of shocked silence, Naruto got his voice back and started freaking out and shouted

"For god's sake put something on Temari!" clamping his eyes shut and turning around.

That ticked Temari off and she stomped forward, not caring that she was naked in front of Naruto. She grabbed the offending blonde by the shoulders, spinning him around so he faced her and pinning him to the ground.

"Are you saying that my body is so ugly that you can't stand looking at it for more than thirty seconds without your eyes burning? Huh?" she shouted, pulling Naruto up and pinning him down again.

Naruto tried to escape with the good ole replacement jutsu but Temari grabbed his hands and pulled them apart, saying "Oh no you don't mister, you aren't going anywhere until you properly appreciate my body!"

Naruto flushed even redder than he already was and replied a

"Do you know what you're saying sounds like!?" with his eyes still shut tight.

Blinking in confusion, Temari stopped for a moment to think about what she said, looking up at the ceiling in thought. A moment later, she realized exactly how that had sounded and flushed scarlet, immediately bounding off Naruto and diving into her futon, wrapping herself in her blanket.

An awkward silence fell between the two blondes as they just sat there, blushing madly.

After about ten minutes of silence, they heard Kankuro calling everyone for breakfast and Naruto said

"Uh... We should go down and eat. I'll wait outside while you change." and walked out of her room, closing the door for her.

Slowly, Temari got up and went to her closet. After staring dumbly at the contents for a moment, she just grabbed a random set of clothing and put them on. After tying her hair in her usual way, she opened her door and proceeded to breakfast with Naruto, who was still a bit red in the face.

Breakfast Table

Everybody's attention was focused on Temari and Naruto when they entered. Kankuro had obviously been ranting about Naruto violating Temari and Shizune, Tenten and Hinata were not-so-secretly glaring jealously at the female blonde while likewise Neji and Sasuke just glared at Naruto for their own reasons while Jiraiya mumbled a "Lucky prick…" at the male blonde.

"Let's eat." said Gaara who had just arrived and sat down at the table. He picked up his knife and fork and started eating the stuff on his plate, completely ignoring the tense atmosphere around him.

Shooting a few last glares at the blondes at the table, the boys and girls started on their own food.

Even though Naruto was happily oblivious to the whole situation, he couldn't help but notice how the two teens across him were savagely stabbing their sausages over and over again until the food were completely mutilated before dipping the poor food into some ketchup, bringing the abused food up to their mouths and chomping on them with so much force that Naruto could hear the dull clucking sounds of teeth banging into teeth.

The girls were similar, except they were grinding their eggs with their teeth, making Naruto shiver and wonder what was up. He then glanced at Ino who was staring at her plate, poking at her food but not eating much.

He wondered what was bothering her and after a while remembered their little kissing incident last night. He blushed a little as he recalled how soft her lips had felt, and how he almost let out a moan of pleasure when her tongue traced his mouth shyly.

'_**She's a really good kisser, isn't she?'** _said a faint feminine voice.

'_Yeah…_' thought Naruto staring at Ino's soft lips dazedly.

"**_You're wondering if she is soft everywhere else.' _**the voice whispered in his ear.

'_Yeah…'_ thought Naruto as he watched Ino open her mouth to elegantly eat a piece of sausage.

'**_You want to touch her...'_** the voice whispered seductively.

'_Yeah…' _thought Naruto nodding slightly as Ino brushed a few stray hairs from her face after taking a sip of her orange juice.

'**_Feel her…'_**the voice continued.

'_Yeah…' _thought Naruto nodding again

'**_Fuck her…" _**the voice finished smirking.

'_Yeah… Wait, who the hell is in my head?' _thought Naruto turning red as he realized he had just admitted those things to a female voice in his head.

'**_The queen of S&Ming and the greatest female perverted demon of the world!' _**replied the voice.

'_Uh… Kyuubi? That you?' Naruto thought uncertainly._

'**_Duh… who else could talk in your head without going crazy with your stupidly thoughts?' _**said Kyuubi.

'_But why do you sound like a girl?' _Naruto thought curiously, wondering if it was some kind of sick joke.

'**_Cause I am one you dumb ass.' _**came the reply.

'…_What the hell…?' _was all Naruto thought.

'**_What…Got a problem with me not having a dick?' _**said the demon fox sounding annoyed.

'_Sorta…' _replied Naruto truthfully.

'**_Just accept it before I embarrass you right now in public.' _**Kyuubi said.

'_But…' _whined Naruto.

'**_No buts or I'll make you pounce on Ino right now and make the dreams you had last night become reality.' _**Said the Kyuubi sternly and wickedly at the same time.

'_Huh? Isn't that a good thing? ... Wait! Wait! Wait! I mean it's not good!'_

'**_I wasn't planning to… but since you want it so much, I'll make the first move for you right here.' cackled the female fox._**

'_No! Don't you dare make me rape Ino in front of everybody!' _Naruto yelled in his mind.

'**_Maybe She wants it too you know…' _**said Kyuubi casually.

'_NO! NOT in PUBLIC!' _Yelled Naruto desperately in his mind as he knew perfectly well that Kyuubi really did have the power to make him lose control and jump onto Ino.

'**_In private then?' _**suggested Kyuubi.

'_NO!!!' _

'**_Even if you see this?' _**said Kyuubi as she flashed an image of an Ino with her clothes half ripped off, laying in a large bed staring lustfully at him.

"Uh!!! Noo!!! Stop it!" Naruto yelled aloud and banged his head on the table repeatedly as Kyuubi send image after image of Ino in all sorts of perverted poses, the fox's cackling ringing in the background.

Everybody at the table stopped eating to stare at Naruto as he continued to bang his head hard against the table, denting the steel before Gaara's sand wrapped around the furniture-abusing-blonde and pulling him away from the poor piece of metal on four legs.

"Naruto, we're leaving soon so stop destroying the few brain cells you happen to have in that thick skull of yours." said Gaara sternly.

Sasuke, Neji and Kankuro snorted with satisfaction when they saw Naruto cross eyed and a slightly bruised forehead. Naruto then blacked out when a fist of sand hit him hard on the back of the head.

"Okay, since everybody's eaten their breakfast. Let's get those scrolls and head back to Konoha shall we?" said Jiraiya cheerfully, wanting to get back quickly so he could do some more 'research'.

Gaara nodded and motioned for the others to follow him, dumping Naruto on the floor. The Konoha kunoichis apart from Kurenai, Sakura and Ino (The first two had enough sense while Ino was too embarrassed to even look at him) started fussing over him.

Tenten and Hinata were following instructions from a frantic Shizune who was checking his heartbeat, temperature, blood pressure and all sorts of stuff while the males just huffed and followed Gaara through the door to the room where the scrolls were stored.

Kurenai and Sakura watched dumbly as Shizune pulled out a scroll and summoned an electric thingy doctors use that zaps patients back to life. Ino, who saw her lov… I mean _comrade_ still breathing normally, stepped in quickly before he was zapped to death by a hysteric medic-nin.

"Shizune-san, Naruto is okay, just a bit dizzy or something. So you really don't have to electrify him you know." she said, putting her hand on Shizune's arm that held the zapping thingy.

"But he's all limp and just lying there!" cried Shizune trying to get to Naruto but then Kurenai also stepped in.

"Shizune, get a grip on yourself. Naruto is fine so put that dangerous machine away." she said putting her hands on her hips.

"And you two… get out of those ridiculous costumes right now." she said raising her eyebrows at Tenten and Hinata who were wearing white nurse outfits topped with the hats with red crosses on them.

Sakura was getting a headache. Her friends were all acting weird and she was going to snap soon if this kind of stuff didn't stop. Temari, who had went to the restroom a while ago walked back in to see her precious Naruto sprawled on the floor. Needless to say, she freaked out.

"Oh my god! Naruto are you alright?" she shrieked and flung herself forward, landing on her knees as she grabbed Naruto by the collar shaking him back and forth. Sighing in defeat, Sakura took the matter into her own hands and picked up the pink hammer from a corner of the room.

A series of bonking noises sounded and Tenten, Hinata, Shizune and Temari were out cold with lumps on their heads. She sighed again, walked over and knelt over Naruto, performing a few quick hand seals. Her hands glowed green and she placed them over Naruto's forehead. A few seconds later, Naruto woke up muttering stuff about pale blonde hair and delicious creamy skin.

Ino heard this and flushed red, looking away from Naruto and wondering if he was thinking about her. Sakura wasn't pleased and bonked him on the head with her fist saying

"Get your mind out of the gutter and help me drag the girls to the scroll room now."

So they went off to the scroll room to meet up with the rest of the guys and the poor abused steel table was forgotten.

Somewhere in a dark evil looking room

Orochimaru glared impatiently at Kabuto as the silver-haired medic took out a piece of cardboard with letters of different sizes stamped on it.

"Are we done yet?" he said glaring at his subordinate who was setting the board on a stand a few meters away from him.

"Just this test left Orochimaru-sama." said Kabuto pushing up his glasses.

"Orochimaru-sama, I want you to read out the letters starting from the smallest ones from the bottom." he said taking out a metal rod and pointing at a lime of letters at the bottom of the board.

"What kind of useless test is this?" snarled the snake sannin as he tried to make out the letters on the offending board.

"Uh…I, L, O, V, E, S, A, S, U, K, and E." he said, making Kabuto frown.

"Okay, Orochimaru-sama. The next line." Kabuto said, jabbing at the line of letters above the first line. Orochimaru frowned in concentration as he tried to make out the letters.

"Lets see… P, E, D, O, P, H, I, L, and E." he said uncertainly as Kabuto took notes on a clipboard with a frown on his face.

"Okay, Orochimaru-sama, the next line please." said Kabuto with a serious look on his face.

"I, A, M, G, A… and Y." said Orochimaru getting irritated. Kabuto seemed to be very concerned about something when he said "The last line please, Orochimaru-sama."

"Um… A…N…A…and…L?" the sannin said annoyed at something.

Kabuto put down his clipboard, looking at his master solemnly.

"Orochimaru-sama…" he started and a dead silence trailed for a few seconds.

"You need glasses immediately."

"…"

A large portion of the rice country was suddenly destroyed when an enormous purple snake appeared out of nowhere and started destroying everything in sight. If one would listen closely, they would hear somebody screaming

"I don't need f#$king glasses!!!!"

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	9. The Return to Ramen

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**Chapter 9: The Return to Ramen  
**

At the scroll room  


Gaara was staring at the empty space inside the huge safe in the scroll room while everybody else including the now conscious girls were staring at Gaara behind him.

"…It's not there." said Sasuke dully.

"Way da go Sasuke! Thanks for pointing that out, I don't think we would have noticed that by ourselves." said Naruto in mock surprise. Sasuke just 'Hn'ed and looked back at Gaara who was still just staring blankly at the safe.

"So what do we do Gaara?" asked Temari looking a bit worried. Gaara finally looked up and turned at the others.

"The mission will proceed as planned. Meet me at the gate of the village two hours later, I will arrive after I retrieve the true documents from the office." he said as he started gathering sand to transport to the office but Sakura stopped him saying

"What do you mean true documents? The scrolls are all gone from this safe."

The others nodded and looked intently at the former mindless killing machine as he smirked a little.

"The thieves did manage to steal the secret scrolls in this small safe (everybody sweat dropped at the word 'small'), but those were merely scrolls containing Kankuro's porn magazines and his Barbie Dolls." said Gaara calmly before disappearing to get the real stuff.

Everybody in the room stared at Kankuro in shock for a moment before looking away quickly and slowly edging away from him. Kankuro instantly became pissed.

"What's wrong with me having porn mags and dolls?" he said stomping his feet eyebrows twitching. The others looked at each others for a moment before saying in unison "Nothing at all…" in a completely unconvincing way. Kankuro seemed to have steam pouring out of his ears in anger.

"If you have a problem, say it in my face." said the puppet user in a deadly calm voice. Naruto decided to say the stuff on everybody's mind.

"You have Barbie Dolls…" he said is a shocked kind of voice.

"So?" said the previous proud owner of a thousand sets of Barbie dolls.

"Uh… Nothing…" said Naruto uncertainly. The others inched even further away from him until a loud angry voice was heard from behind them.

"What's wrong with you people? Barbie Dolls are extremely cool and fun, yet you see them as if they are slime! I can't stand it!" shouted the figure in bandages and funky clothing passionately.

Everyone gasped in complete horror as they realized what the outburst from the guy meant…

HYUUGA NEJI was a fan of BARBIE DOLLS… along with puppet freak.

"This is the end of the world…" said Sakura looking at Tenten who was trying to comfort poor Hinata who was horror struck at the newfound knowledge. The others nodded slowly and quickly retreated from the room, leaving Kankuro and Neji to hoist the funeral of those scary Barbie dolls.

At the Gates of Suna  


After Gaara returned with the real scrolls and the funeral of Kankuro's obsession, everyone set off back to Konoha for some well deserved pay and other things.

Naruto couldn't wait to stuff his face with ramen, Sasuke couldn't wait to rehearse his newest revenge speech. Sakura couldn't wait to stalk Sasuke all over the place, Ino couldn't wait to relieve some sexual tension.

Tenten couldn't wait to polish her weapons, Temari couldn't wait to polish her fan. Hinata couldn't wait to read the new book she got from a certain someone, Neji couldn't wait to show Kankuro his collection.

Kurenai and Shizune couldn't wait to soak in the hot springs, and Jiraiya couldn't wait to peek on them. Gaara couldn't wait to meet Tsunade about an experiment and Kankuro couldn't wait to see Neji's collection.

Surprisingly, they arrived at the north gate of Konoha with no hormone crazed females chasing Naruto around. They all went separate ways and Naruto almost literally flew to Ichiraku ramen stand.

When arrived at the stand, he looked like a skeleton and was propped on a stick.

"Old man… Ramen… n-now please…"

Rolling his eyes, Ichiraku started making the usual for the blonde ramen fiend. A few minutes later, Naruto was happily slurping down his ramen while chatting happily about the missions he would like to take later.

"I can't wait to get a mission back to the wave country so I can see Inari again. Then I want to see Sasame-chan again in Rice Country. Then…" Naruto stopped talking for a moment to swallow all the soup in his bowl. He the placed the bowl on the neatly stacked pile next to him and suddenly remembered something.

"Old man, where's Ayame-neechan?" he asked puzzled because he can't see her anywhere in the stand.

"Ah…" said the ramen chief. "She's at the back cleaning the storage room. You can help her if you want, the meals on the house today."

"Okay, I don't have anything to do now anyway…" said Naruto as he hopped off his stool and headed inside the stand. He had a nagging feeling that he had forgotten something but ignored it.

He entered the storage room to find Ayame with her back to him stacking some boxes if ingredients on a corner. He then heard Kyuubi mutter **_'Time for some action…'_** and was about to ask what that meant when he felt something spreading out of him into the surrounding.

Ayame instantly looked up and turned around, looking a bit surprised to see Naruto standing in front of her. She lifted a hand to pinch her face, missing it by several inches.

"I'm dreaming again… Better make full use of it…" Naruto heard her mutter to herself as she slowly walked towards him with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"…Ayame-neechan?" he said uncertainly and backed away slowly feeling uncomfortable about something. He started freaking out when Ayame started taking her clothes off.

"Come on Naruto-kun…" she said lustfully as she pulled her shirt off, revealing a lacy black bra.

Naruto instantly bolted back to the door but Ayame launched herself at him tackling him to the ground. The poor demon vessel tried desperately to free himself but the ramen girl was sitting on his legs while ripping off his orange jacket.

'_Kyuubi help!!'_ Naruto yelled mentally as he tried to keep Ayame's hands from ripping his black undershirt apart. The only response he got was manic laughter.

'**_Buahahahaha! Hell no! You owe me a favor from that other time, so I command you to get laid right here and now!' _**Naruto cursed the perverted demon fox in his head and resorted to jutsu.

"_Kage-bushin no jutsu!" _cried Naruto as he formed a cross hand seal. Five more Naruto's appeared and pulled Ayame away.

"Oh?!? You want to have an orgy? You're so thoughtful Naruto-kun!!" The girl cried as she pinned a copy of Naruto to the wall and started making out with it. Feeling horrified, the real Naruto got up and dashed through the storage room door.

After saying a hurried goodbye to the old man Ichiraku, Naruto fled in a random direction. After recognizing the area, he ran all the way to his apartment, jumped in though the open window and hid under the blankets of his bed.

After calming down a bit, he sat up and went into a meditative stance ready to start yelling at the fox demon. After a while, he realized that the fox wasn't responding to his insults. Curious, he descended to the next level of meditation and entered the subconscious of his mind.

After locating Kyuubi's cage, he peeked through the bars to see no fox inside. Instead, he found a large king-sized bed with a figure sitting on it. Curious, he started slipping past the bars but lost his concentration and went back to the conscious world because of a faint scream.

Eyes snapping open, Naruto got up and stuck his head out of the window to listen carefully. Indeed, loud screams of pleasure were heard coming from the direction of the Academy and Ichiraku's. The female voice was familiar but he couldn't recognize it at the moment.

In the village

The villagers were all quite shocked at the screams, the woman covering their children's ears while the men drooled pervertedly and got nosebleeds. Near the hot springs, Jiraiya too heard the noise and looked up from his telescope. He giggled pervertedly when he caught some phrases that hinted what activities were going on.

Down in the hot springs below the tree Jiraiya resided in, Anko, Shizune and Kurenai heard the screams too.

"What's that?" asked Kurenai curiously as she played with the towel tightly wrapped around her body. The noise and the hot water were making her feel very hot and her cheeks were flushed because of the heat. Anko grinned.

'It was a good idea to come to the hot springs with these two.' she thought. She leaned over to Kurenai and whispered in a seductive voice.

"Ah… Nai-chan's feeling excited right now, let's have some fun together…"

Anko crawled over and placed her arms around Kurenai's waist. Kurenai made no effort to stop her and took hold of the back of Anko's head. Shizune inched away from the two knowing what would happen next.

Back up the tree, Jiraiya was furiously taking notes as he watched the steamy make-out session between the two Jounins. When Anko pulled Kurenai's towel half off, Jiraiya saw too much and spouted a nose bleed.

"Shit…" muttered Jiraiya as he tried to stem the flow of crimson liquid with his sleeve but a small amount dripped down into the spring hitting the water near the only two females in the spring, making them stop and look up to see the perverted hermit covering his nose with his sleeve.

"PERVERT!!!" they screamed in fury and splashed to their feet. Their loose towels fell down and revealed the now uncovered anatomy. Jiraiya's eyes widened and he was propelled away by the massive stream of blood that burst violently from his nose. He flew through Konoha and landed in a heap just outside the gates of the village.

Anko and Kurenai sat back down in the spring but were very pissed.

"Great, the mood is totally ruined now…" said Anko.

Sighing, Kurenai nodded and got up again, proceeding to the changing room. Anko followed, thinking about ways to find and torture the white-haired pervert.

Shizune looked curiously at the sky for a moment, wondering of Naruto would want to peek at her if she were at hot springs. Blushing at her own perverted thoughts, the medic-nin quickly got up and followed her friends to the changing rooms.

At the Hyuuga Manor

Hinata was in her room sitting on her futon. Her eyes were glued to the pages of a certain book authored by the newly dubbed human-rocket. With every word she read, her face became redder and redder, steam eventually pouring out of her ears. The shy girl immediately put down the book and clutched her face in embarrassment.

'It's so naughty! I can't be thinking of doing this with Naruto-kun.' she thought as her face reddened even further as she pictured Naruto and her alone in a hospital room, Naruto suddenly pouncing on her and…

'Bad Hinata, naughty Hinata!' she mentally scolded herself for thinking about that kind of stuff. She just sat there for a moment before picking up the book and opening it again.

She was soon so absorbed in the book that she didn't hear the rather loud speech about Barbie dolls from Neji, who had captured Kiba and Shino and was ranting about the coolness of his dolls while Kankuro dressed the dolls up in different outfits.

"I wonder if the guys who took my dolls were fans…" The puppet user wondered aloud while looking at Kiba who had white foam coming out of his mouth. Shino was holding his ground but Neji's endless ranting was making him lose his sanity.

Shikamaru, who had hid well enough, prayed that Kiba and Shino would survive such a cruel trial of fate. Half way through the prayer, he realized how troublesome it would be and stopped to look up at the clouds. Seeing a summoning bird, he sighed and headed towards the Hokage's office.

He passed Ino's place on the way, and heard loud moans coming through the window of her room. Curious about what she was doing, he jumped onto the balcony of her room and peeked through the sky blue curtains.

Ino lay on her bed, the thin sheets covering her obviously naked body. Shikamaru's eyes widened and saliva caught in his throat as he realized what the beautiful blonde girl was doing.

He immediately looked away and jumped off the balcony, wanting to stick his head onto a bucket of ice. He passed Gaara and Temari on his way to the local ice-cream stand, but didn't pay attention to their greeting and stuck his head into the ice cart of the stand.

He tried to stop thinking about perverted stuff but couldn't stop himself from thinking about how the thin sheets barely covered Ino's wonderfully curved body. The image proved to be too much for him to handle and he passed out with a massive nosebleed.

Gaara walked to Shikamaru and poured some sake into the ice cart with shikamaru's head stuck in it, mixing the sake, blood and ice together.

"Mulled Red anyone?" said Gaara tonelessly before walking away from the out cold Chuunin, Temari giggled at the joke. The villagers concluded that today was a bad day and started walking away from the Chuunin, not wanting to get bad luck.

Meanwhile at the border of the Fire Country

Itachi and Kisame were walking down the road casually. The latter had a large scroll slung over his back.

"I wonder what kind of secret information is inside the scroll…" said Kisame adjusting the grip on the rope that bound the scroll together so he could hold it more comfortably. Itachi glanced at him and said "Open it if you want to know." in a bored tone.

Kisame and Itachi set up camp near a river since it was getting dark. Itachi went to find some food while Kisame opened the scroll and examined it.

When Itachi returned with two porcupines and a skunk, he saw Kisame buried under a small mountain of plastic dolls.

"What the…" he started but stopped since it sounded uncool. After clearing his throat, he tried again.

"What the _hell_ are you doing with Sasori's old dolls?" he said in a toneless tone, one eyebrow raised.

"I found them in the scroll we took from Suna." said Kisame hoisting himself up and brushing the dolls off his cloak.

"Whatever… Burn them all and make dinner." replied Itachi and he watched Kisame piling the dolls in a way that would enable the fire to burn them easier. After watching the fire failing to burn the stupid dolls, Itachi sighed and told Kisame to stand back.

He closed his eyes for a moment, before opening again with the Mangeku Shyaringan flaring. Black fire enveloped the Barbie dolls and destroyed the whole pile within the span of a few seconds. Letting the Shyaringan fade back to the normal eyes, he suppressed a smirk at having finally destroyed the freaky dolls that Sasori loved to play with.

"Now… make dinner." Itachi ordered as he sat down against a tree. Kisame grumbled a bit but complied.

A few hours later at Naruto's place

The screams stopped, Naruto let out a sigh of relief as he no longer had to hear The Fuzzy Brows yelling about unyouthful noises and their attempt of drowning it out by terrible singing.

He heard Kyuubi panting in his mind and asked _'What the hell were you doing the past few hours?'_

'**_You don't want to know…' _**said the fox teasingly still out of breath.

'_Oh come on… tell me…' _whined Naruto. The Kyuubi chucked and Naruto suddenly felt worried for some reason.

'**_I relieved some of my stress…'_** said the demon cheerfully, far too cheerfully to be good.

'_How exactly did you relive your stress?' _asked a nervous Naruto, thinking whether he really wanted to know.

'**_Did you hear the screaming earlier?' _**asked Kyuubi wickedly. Naruto nodded mentally, dreading the next words.

'**_I took control of your Kage-bushins.' _**said Kyuubi shortly giggling pervertedly, but Naruto still didn't get the meaning of it.

He just sat there for a minute, letting new information sink in.

The last time he made some kage-bushins was when he escaped Ayame-neechan…

Kyuubi said he took control over them, meaning they didn't disappear…

There were screams of pleasure in the village for about three hours…

The voice screaming was familiar…

Then it all clicked in, and Naruto's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he passed out with a large nosebleed.

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